Dating Profile Do’s and Dont’s and How To Spot a Catfish – With Coach T. Anthony

Dr. Tari and Coach T. Anthony discuss what attracts and repels people to your dating profile, how to make the best impression in the 4-6 seconds that people will spend time on yours before swiping, the death of the coffee date, and how to spot a catfish.

Coach T. Anthony is an online dating coach who helps men and women maneuver through the often chaotic world of online dating.

Find Coach T online:

http://www.instagram.com/thedatecoach

Find Dr. Tari online:

http://www.instagram.com/drtarimack

http://www.drtarimack.com

Join Next Level Love:

http://www.drtarimack.com/next-level-love/

Get A Relationship Relationship with Dr. Tari:

[email protected]

Episode Transcript

Dating Profile Do's and Dont's and How To Spot a Catfish - With Coach T. Anthony

Welcome to Dear Dater, the PodCast for people who want to change their disappointing relationship patterns and finally access the love they deserve. My name is Dr. Tari Mack, and I’m a psychologist and celebrity love coach. My journey has been one from disconnection and loneliness to love and miracles. And I want this podcast to give you the tools and awareness to help you create and access the love you want in your own life. What we yearn for is meant for us. So if you yearn for love, you’re meant to have it when we change; our relationships change. I’m so glad you’re here.

Dr. Tari: I’m really excited to welcome my friend, coach T Anthony to the PodCast today. Coach T is an online dating coach who helps men and women maneuver through the often chaotic world of online dating. Welcome, coach T.

Coach T. Anthony: Thanks, Tari, for having me; I’m excited to be here.

Dr. Tari: So, coach T, you help people with their online dating profiles, right? That’s what you specialize in.

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah. I’m like a real estate agent for people in their profiles. It’s pretty much; it’s pretty much the same thing. You have a real estate agent, they walk into a house, and oh, we need to stage this a little bit better. So you gotta take, you gotta take down the family photos cause we want someone to come in and vision, their family living in this house, and they can’t do that by seeing your photos. So that’s the same concept. Really? I just say, Hey, you gotta take these photos down. Cause I don’t know who you are and this, and we don’t need to see that—almost the same concept.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. I love that. So, what apps do you usually use with your clients and why?

Coach T. Anthony: I use Bumble 99% of the time. I will use another app if I’m not having success with Bumble. Bumble is just, it’s easy, it has quality people on it, and they do a really good job of taking care of the bad actors. Unlike Tinder, doesn’t hardly remove anybody, in my opinion, but Bumble removes people left and right from what I can see because even I swiped on someone on Bumble, and of course, the woman makes the first initiating move by saying hello or what have you. So once she did that, I was about to respond, and Bumble said, sorry, she has just violated terms of service, just like that. It was that quick. So

Dr. Tari: How? What are these bad actors?

Coach T. Anthony: Cam models prostitution, escorts, snapped monthly Snapchat subscribers. So they’ll start talking to men and be like, I can’t really meet up right now. How about you? Subscribe to my Snapchat. For 1495 a month. And, I’ll show you something that you have never seen before. So yeah, so then once I hit, okay, no, I’m going to report them; once I think they get a few reports, they instantly take them off, but Tinder, it just feels like they’d get reported all day long and nothing ever happens. So I really like Bumble because it’s a quality app, easy to set up, easy to use, and I find success with it.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. Okay. So this is interesting because I don’t hear this a lot from women like the, like escorts, prostitution, Snapchat does this thing happen more with men who were, looking for love?

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah. Yeah. It’s definitely. That is a total man thing so let me give you some background. Have you ever heard of the site called Backpage?

Dr. Tari: No.

Coach T. Anthony: Okay. It was a site where escorts can go on there and promote their Snapchats, their camming, their only fans, whatever it was. And the government came in and took it down. So they had to go somewhere. And where did they go? They went on dating apps. They flooded it, and Tinder, from what I can see, hasn’t done much about it, but Bumble is just knocking them off left and right. Now, for women who aren’t finding this as a problem because there’s not a lot of male escorts saying, Hey, come join my only fans or Snapchat. They would have to worry more about a catfish, trying to scam them in the money that usually happens more to women than it would to men, but it does happen to both.

Dr. Tari: Got it. Okay. Yeah, no, I’m learning something new here. When did that happen? Like how recently did that happen? That Backpage was closed down.

Coach T. Anthony: Ah, like two years ago, around. Yeah, it’s a problem. And some apps are taking care of it, some apps are not, so that’s why you stay away from certain apps and jump on the ones that take care of their platform.

Dr. Tari: Got it. All right. So you love Bumble. You mentioned catfishing. Talk about that a little bit. What are your thoughts on that? And have you seen that happen a lot?

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah, catfishing is a thing. It is real. It mostly happens to women, and it goes something like, you see a profile, it’s usually too good to be true. The guy is just this doctor, and he’s handsome, and he takes care of children, and these foreign countries, just, you couldn’t

Dr. Tari: It’s a widower. You know? Amazing.

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah, I’ll be; it’s just like a perfect, he’s the perfect guy. But for some reason, the perfect guy is away for six months. And, the desert somewhere helping children. And he doesn’t have access to the video. He doesn’t have access to a phone. He just has this one little phone that somehow works on WhatsApp. And, so it’s usually a six months span because that’s how long it takes, usually to get someone to scam, to actually hand over their money. So he’ll say, something like after three or four months, I really, the love-bombing happens, and this all happens online and all of a sudden. An earthquake happens or something, and he’s got no money to pay his doctor bills, or something’s going on. And I need money to be wired to me immediately. And of course, she’s going to wire him money. And then that just keeps dominowing. And these guys aren’t just talking to one woman; they’re talking to 10 at the same time. So you can imagine the massive scam that’s going on. Now, there’s a few things that you can do usually when you see a profile that is too good to be true, like that all you have to do is read it. And most of the time, the English is way off

Dr. Tari: Yes.

Coach T. Anthony: A guy is an American doctor, educated, and all of a sudden, he’s misspelling words, the grammar is completely off, and that’s a red flag. You should absolutely stay away from that.

Dr. Tari: I mean he, but he’s, teaching children in the jungle or looking for water in the desert; this man is distracted.

Coach T. Anthony: Let’s not worry about the grammar. It’s the children. That’s exactly what happens, right? They gloss over, they look at his blue eyes, and he’s helping children. Ah, maybe he just was in a rush writing his profile. I don’t know. Fall for it. They definitely fall for it. So that’s one thing you could look for is grammar. Another thing is they don’t have time to do a video chat or anything like that. So I always recommend, look, the best way to go about it is just tell him if, when you’re back in town. Look me up because right now, I don’t; I don’t feel good about this type of communication. I’d rather meet you in person or at least have a video chat. And they say, Okay, weeks later, they’d been ghosted. They’re now done. And then they figure it out. So I get DMS all the time, like sending me paragraph after paragraph saying, Hey, so you think this is a catfish after three sentences. I’m like; it’s a catfish. I don’t even have to read the rest. And they want my honest feedback, but then you can also see the investment that they put in and how they are now trying to make excuses. Yeah. But what about this? And I’m like no. You asked for my professional opinion; I’m telling you, this is what you need to do and see what happens. And weeks later, they’ll text me back and say, you’re right. He goes to me; I can’t believe this now; how do I get over him? Now it’s a whole nother problem.

Dr. Tari: Yes, it’s so true. I think we make excuses for bad behavior. We see what we want to see. We get caught up in the hope for the dream. We don’t see reality. It sounds That’s what you help women do.

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah. No, that’s exactly right. And it’s a, depending on how long you stay in it, you can’t get attached quite easily because these guys are good. They’re not normal guys, they know the tactics, they know what to say, they know how to love bombs, they know how to get you mentally attached and he, you see it in the news all the time or these women, 200, $300,000 later, figure out the guy’s not even real.

Dr. Tari: And I think, you said. Tell them, hey, when you get back in town, look me up. I don’t think these men are actually going to respect that boundary. I think these men are then gonna lean into manipulation and guilt and love bombing and try to keep them from setting that boundary.

Coach T. Anthony: Yes. Yeah. And I warn them that this is what’s going to happen, but you just that’s it—no more communication. And especially if they do that, then you definitely know it’s a red flag because of their interests. If they’re really interested, Then they will look you up and be like, Hey, I respect that this communication is not for you. I will look you up when I’m back in town; that’s the response you want, not, oh, baby, don’t be that way.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. Anyone who doesn’t respect your boundary and honor that and who tries to convince you that you’re wrong or you shouldn’t be setting that boundary is not someone you should continue engaging with.

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah.

Dr. Tari: So I love that you’re helping women with that coach T.

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah. Even in dating, when you know it’s funny, 10 years ago, women would come to me and say, Hey, how do I get a man to ask me for my number? Fast forward to the day? How do I not give up my number to a man? Because now our phone numbers are the most personal thing we have now. Where 10, 15, 20 years ago, we were given out our email. We’d love to get email. We’d love to get phone calls. We had the cell phone now; it was great. It was a thing, but now it’s coveted. Now we don’t want to give it out. So I always say, use WhatsApp or something like that. And if they start to complain about that small boundary, you get a world of hurt coming for you if they can’t jump on WhatsApp because you’re not comfortable with giving out your phone number.

Dr. Tari: Exactly. We are allowed to say what we’re comfortable with, and set boundaries, and the right people will gladly honor those. Yeah.

Coach T. Anthony: Absolutely. Yes. That’s the key

Dr. Tari: I love that.

Coach T. Anthony: The right people.

Dr. Tari: I love that. Yes. You’re only going to scare away or get rid of the wrong people.

Coach T. Anthony: That’s right. That’s right.

Dr. Tari: All right. I love this little detour we took into boundaries, but it’s so important. So getting back to profiles, let’s talk, profile pictures because I know you work with that. So what’s your advice for taking better photos for our dating profiles? What do you tell your clients?

Coach T. Anthony: I try to get my clients to get a photoshoot done. And 99% of them do. And the easiest way to get one done is to simply go on Facebook, look up a local photographer in your area, ask them if they have any mini shoots; we call it a mini shoot. They’re usually about 99 bucks, six to eight photos, two different outfit changes, a nice, consistent set of pictures. That isn’t from two years ago; one’s dark ones, gray, one’s a selfie. That’s not a good flow. The mind likes to flow, Right? So if you have the same types of pictures, we’re going to keep looking at them. And you could do this with your phone. Also, with portrait mode, all you gotta do is buy a selfie stick or one of those tripods for 20 bucks, and you could set the timer, and you could take your own pictures. You can go on YouTube and easily do a small photography class for free. But the key is recent photos. A lot of people don’t invest in their photos. They just grabbed them off Facebook. I looked good five years ago at that wedding. I look good riding this horse, so they, it’s a mishmash of photos, and you’re going well, wait a minute she looks a little younger here and now she’s aged here. It’s not a good look, right?

Dr. Tari: Oh, God, you can always tell those photos they’re like 10 pounds lighter, 10 years younger. And when I see that, like, I just don’t trust the rest of the profile. So I think it’s such a good point.

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah. It’s psychological. If you look at it and now they’re trying to explain it like this, just saying, I’m just telling you that this picture is five years old and it’s from a wedding as if that we care about that. Oh, okay. And since you explained it, it’s okay. No, I want to know what you look like now. I don’t care how you explained it. I appreciate that you did, but it doesn’t show me who you are now.

Dr. Tari: This is okay. So you are not the first person who has talked about getting a professional photoshoot done, but this is my question for you because is that really showing who you really are? Because I get professional photos done right. For my website and all of that. That’s not how I look. Every day in my daily life. Not that I’m not gorgeous and glamorous, hello, you’re looking at me right now, duh, in my professional photos, I’m a different version. So like, how do you pair that with showing up authentically?

Coach T. Anthony: Because I don’t recommend those types of photos.

Dr. Tari: ahh.

Coach T. Anthony: Because those are high gloss magazine, quality type photos. We’re talking about a mini shoot in a park or in the city somewhere, and they’re going to be a regular photographer; all they’re going to do is lightly touch it up. Say you come to the photo, shoot with a zit on your face. They can easily knock it off. No big deal, but we’re not putting you in a magazine. So I’m saying take, get a photographer to get photos that are below those magazine-type quality photos, right? Social media-type photos. I do not recommend those. Obviously, you can definitely change everything the size the way you look. And so I don’t recommend those, and I understand where you’re coming from. I think a lot of people will confuse just normal photos, and then they go all the way to the magazine-type photos. And there are photos in between, right?

Dr. Tari: Got it. So what should we be doing in these photos? If we get a photoshoot done at a park, how do we show different sides of ourselves? An action shot? A friend shot.

Coach T. Anthony: Here’s what we want. We want to see you, and you could do a side shot laughing. The photographer is going to be able to guide you with different types, and he’s going to now think about this. The photographer is going to take 200 shots. They’re going to have you do all kinds of looks, and then you’re going to be able to pick and choose which ones you like. And he’s going to just be like, Hey, why don’t you walk up against the tree, do a couple poses here, maybe laugh at pretending you’re talking to someone. They know what they’re doing. And once you get a pool of photos, you can definitely pick out the ones that kind of look natural.

Dr. Tari: Got it.

Coach T. Anthony: So it’s. I know a lot of people are like it’s scary to like what should I do? That’s the photographer’s job. I’ve gotten photos before, and they’re telling me to do all kinds of stuff. And I’m like, oh, I don’t want that. But it’s not about that. It’s about getting you loose, and getting you doing different things, and it works so. And the mini shoots are great. Those are, real short, an hour and a half worth of time. And they’re usually about a hundred bucks, and all my clients that get those knock it out of the park, and it doesn’t come off like they’re this glamor magazine type stuff. I think you remember back in the day in the mall or this called glamour shot.

Dr. Tari: Glamour shots.

Coach T. Anthony: It’s not; it’s not those.

Dr. Tari: Oh my God. Yeah, that’s a blast from the past. Okay. We don’t want glamour shots on our profile.

Coach T. Anthony: No glamour shots.

Dr. Tari: But yeah. I like what you said, like; you want ones that look natural where you’re comfortable, where the real you shine through.

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah. And after taking 200 shots, you’ll get them. You’ll get

Dr. Tari: And probably you want to have some that are like, full-body and some that are close up cause if there’s not a full-body shot, people will probably wonder about.

Coach T. Anthony: Yep. Yeah. I, obviously, always suggest two headshots, two body shots, and one shot. That is maybe something that you’re passionate about, but you better be passionate about it. There’s so many people riding horses or sitting on a motorcycle. I had one client, and she’s I love this picture of me sitting on this motorcycle. I said, do you own a motorcycle? And she’s no. Are you looking for someone who owns a motorcycle? No, not really. I was like, you do realize that psychologically when we see that. It means you are looking for someone who either has a motorcycle once to take you on a ride, a motorcycle? That’s how men think like you just narrow down the pool to 0.00001% of people that are going to be attracted to you based on one photo, or you went to Spain one year, and now you’re this world traveler cause all your photos are from Spain. I love traveling too, but it appears that you do it every weekend. So I’m swiping left, right? So you have to be careful. That’s why the mini shoot is perfect. All we want to see is you, basically. And say you are a hiker. And you like to have a partner that hikes, that’s okay. Then put a picture of you hiking. That’s much different than you have hiked in 20 years, and you have a hiking photo.

Dr. Tari: Yes.

Coach T. Anthony: Cause now, you’re going to start attracting hikers, and then they’re going to find out, oh, you really don’t like hiking. Oh, so you are hiking. They already have a thing in their head that, Hey, we can go hiking together, blah, blah, blah. And you don’t even hike.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. Or if all your pictures are you out, like at the bars with your friends drinking, you’re going to attract a person who’s into that.

Coach T. Anthony: So think about 10 to 15 years ago, we spent maybe 12 to 16 seconds on a profile fast forward today. It’s about four to six. So you want a nice flow. So you just gotta be careful on what you’re posting because it’s going to knock you out because we’re quick. We’re all; we are just taking this in four to six seconds. And if we see something that we don’t like, or we’re not about, we’re going to swipe left.

Dr. Tari: Are you talking about men or men and women?

Coach T. Anthony: Both. It doesn’t matter. Men could be the same way. Say a man has a thing where he’s golfing. And it’s just a good picture, but he doesn’t golf. He just went out one weekend and golfed. He might attract someone who wants to go golfing with them on the weekends.

Dr. Tari: Right. Or for me, if I see somebody on a motorcycle, there is no way I’m swiping right on him. Cause I do not like motorcycles and I don’t want my man to ride a motorcycle,

Coach T. Anthony: And he could have been at a motorcycle show, and It was one of those stands with the motor; take a picture with the new Harley that just came out, and he thought it was a good picture. And he puts it on there. He doesn’t even own one. And now he’s eliminating all these people because they think he owns one.

Dr. Tari: Exactly, do you find men, because I know men are more visual, the man even read our profiles? Or are they just looking at the pictures?

Coach T. Anthony: You got to get past the Pictures first.

Dr. Tari: Okay.

Coach T. Anthony: So no, the short answer is no, we do not. Unless we like the pictures and then.

Dr. Tari: But if you like the pictures, cause I’ve heard that men just look at the pictures and swipe, and then they’ll read the profile

Coach T. Anthony: It depends. Some men will do that, but then some men, and this goes for men and women. They’ll just look at the profile to make sure you’re not crazy; that’s basically what the profile there for. Hey, this person looks great. I’m attracted to him. Let’s make sure they’re not crazy. And then you find out, whoa, Okay.

Dr. Tari: What are some things you advise your clients to stay away from on their dating profiles?

Coach T. Anthony: Negativity for one, I’ve been on this app now for three weeks, and I’ve got this, and that, so please, and then they give a bullet point of what not to do and blah, blah, blah. And then at the end, it’s you’re still here. Swipe, that kind of stuff stays away from that.
Politics, obviously, I can’t tell you how many great profiles I’ve seen, and most apps have the checkbox where you’re in liberal, conservative, whatever it’s all you really need to do. You got a perfect profile, great pictures, and all of a sudden. They end it with, if you like Trump, you’re an idiot. Please swipe left. If you are a liberal or a lib tard or whatever, swipe left, and they just ruin it. They ruin it for everyone. Because even if you find someone on your political spectrum, they’re going to be turned off by that.

Dr. Tari: It’s so rude. Not kind.

Coach T. Anthony: It is all you got, to really do. If it is important to you, just say, look, I’m a conservative hope you are too, that’s it. It’s all you gotta right.

Dr. Tari: Yeah, be kind, be respectful.

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah. So that’s one way to get someone on your political spectrum without alienating a whole bunch of people. And then, something like the cliche, no hookups. If you have a profile that is geared to a serious relationship and it just reeks, nothing but serious relations. There is no need to contradict it by putting no hookups in there because I don’t know who they’re trying to weed off. If someone wants to hook up with you, that’s not going to stop them. They’re going just because they read that they’re going to be like, oh, maybe she is in the fuck ups because she’s tired of him now, but she hasn’t met me yet. So it’s now a challenge for some of these people. So you gotta be careful with these things that you’re saying that you think you’re weeding people out, which are really attracting those. So you don’t want to say stuff like no hookups. It’s just, there’s no need for it, so those are probably the top three to stay away from.

Dr. Tari: I love all of that because I think our profiles give a snapshot of our energy. A profile can make you feel a certain way, and you want your profile to feel happy and sunny and real and authentic and positive. Like you said, you want people to want to know more about you. And if we’re putting negativity out there for putting judgment out there, nobody’s going to want more of that.

Coach T. Anthony: No.

Dr. Tari: So I think those are

Coach T. Anthony: It’s really amazing how they think that people would. You would think someone would say, oh no, this is you shouldn’t be writing this. They’ll probably defend it to the day they die because they’ve had so much bad experience that they just are now shoveling it onto their profile and

Dr. Tari: Yeah, and that’s the thing, right? Whatever we focus on grows.

Coach T. Anthony: Right.

Dr. Tari: So if you’re focused on what you don’t want, you’re going to keep attracting that.

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah, so it’s, definitely, online dating is a mindset. This is what I do with clients. I basically go in surgically, remove all this stuff. A lot of times, it’s unconscious. They just don’t know what they’re doing. And they don’t know the psychology behind affording, eight-second swipe. What we’re looking at in four to eight seconds is not what you have on your profile. Your profile is about 30 seconds, and nobody’s got time for it.

Dr. Tari: So interesting.

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah.

Dr. Tari: Yeah, I love that. And I think too, like the way that you think about dating apps and put, even putting together your profile is it, do you have this negative energy? Like it’s a bunch of work, and you’re not going to meet anybody anyway, or is it oh, I’m so happy and excited that this exists. And I get to meet people this way because that is gonna affect who shows up in your dating app life, too, right?

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I, that’s why I do discovery calls within 45 minutes. If you’re doing nothing but complaining about dating apps, I can’t change that for you. I can give you the best dating app in the world, but if your mindset is not there if you’re not ready to get off the couch and back in the game, if you’re just going to complain about blah, blah, blah, you’re not going to stop once you get the great profile,

Dr. Tari: Yeah.

Coach T. Anthony: It’s like buying a new car; oh, I want this car and blah, blah, blah. But then they start complaining about it. They get the car in there. Just not happy. I’m still not happy. So I turn more people down than I take it because I need people that are just like you said, are willing to put it. The effort, the time, the investment, because I had one client she came to me for a profile review and I think she said it took her 20 minutes to put the profile up and I said so when you go out with your girlfriends and hang out, and you’re going to the taverns or the clubs, or what have you, how long does it take for you to get ready? And she goes, three hours? Okay. And I said, do you see the difference? You’re spending three hours, to go out for one night, but you’re only spending 20 minutes on a profile that so many people are going to see, days in weeks, and months out. So you have to have that same type of energy and conviction when you’re doing online dating as if you would, going out for one night.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. I love that. And expect to find the good ones, right? Like you only need one, and a lot of people get on the app. So oh, there are so many people here that I don’t want to meet. And there’s so many of this and so many of this, and I’m like, don’t even think about them. You just want to meet the good ones, the ones that are a match for you. So focus on that. And that’s who you’ll meet.

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah. I agree. I think people are like; I don’t want to get rejected and blah, blah, blah. And I’m like; I went on 20 dates in 60 days. So you could say, and I found someone I’m talking to, you could say I got rejected 19 times. I didn’t feel that way to me. I got to meet a lot of great people; that’s my mindset, right? I, I wasn’t, I was throwing myself out there a hundred percent, like so many people we’ll get rejected because they held back. And then they, to themselves, I should’ve said this, I should’ve done that. And now the rejection is even more painful. If you just be authentic and congruent with your words and your actions, and you put yourself out there completely. You can now say to yourself; I did everything I could; it just didn’t work out. And it’s arrogant really to think that every single person on the planet should like you? Really? Is it not if you really think about it, like you’re going to be, you’re going to be rejected. You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea

Dr. Tari: Yep. But that doesn’t mean you’re still not a damn good cup of tea,

Coach T. Anthony: That’s fair. I like that. Absolutely. Yes.

Dr. Tari: That’s really good. And the thing is like in dating the dating app world and in love, it’s all always a risk. If you’re not willing to risk it and to step into it, you might as well just stay on the couch, stay off the dating app, right? Like it’s always a risk. It’s surrender and trust that, what’s supposed to happen well?

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah.

Dr. Tari: But you’re saying you have to put yourself out there. I love that.

Coach T. Anthony: I agree. I think people look at rejection a little differently than I do. I’d rather be rejected and understood completely than ambiguous in my actions. I want my actions to be authentic and out there, and I can at least walk away and say I gave it my best shot. I didn’t hold anything back. So that rejection is not going to stay like someone else’s would,

Dr. Tari: Yeah. And that’s the only way you’re really gonna find your people.

Coach T. Anthony: It is.

Dr. Tari: If you’re showing up authentically.

Coach T. Anthony: Yes. And you’re not pretending to be someone that they might like,

Dr. Tari: Yup.

Coach T. Anthony: I agree.

Dr. Tari: Yup. Yeah. All right. Last question for you, coach T. So, with the pandemic, virtual dates have become a real thing, right? We meet each other on zoom in our living rooms, wearing pajama pants on the bottom. Hmm.

Coach T. Anthony: Yes.

Dr. Tari: Do you think this is, do you think this is going to last after the world opens back up?
Coach T. Anthony: I think so. I think virtual dates are here to stay. I think they’re going to replace the coffee date. I think the coffee date was only there because we had such a fast-paced dating style. We’d get online. We meet someone, we text them, and then we let’s meet for coffee because I don’t really know you that well. So why not just meet for coffee? That way, I can leave. And that is the most unromantic date you could ever go on is a coffee date.

Dr. Tari: Yup.

Coach T. Anthony: Who wants to have a kiss with coffee breath. And not to mention, it just feels like I can’t tell you how many job interviews I’ve had in a hotel lounge or coffee with a potential employer. That’s what it feels like. It’s a job interview. So I would love to see the coffee date go away and be replaced with virtual dates. You go on to two of those, and then you can actually set up a real date dinner, maybe some drinks, that two-hour real date instead of this 20, 30-minute chemistry meetup because you didn’t actually get to know them to begin with. I hope it really does. Go that route. I really do.

Dr. Tari: I’m with you because, the coffee day. It doesn’t have to be this way, but it, I think it has been a vetting date, right? Like a date, you meet up to see if there’s any chemistry.

Coach T. Anthony: You also, you got to think most coffee dates are not at night; they’re during the day. If you’re looking for a romantic connection, you want a romantic atmosphere. Dinner at night, the lights, it’s a little darker, it’s, it helps, it helps coffee dates. I don’t think I’ve ever had they’re good for vetting like you said, but I don’t really think I felt strong connections until we went out again,

Dr. Tari: And so we can maybe get that done in the comfort of our own homes.

Coach T. Anthony: Yes

Dr. Tari: Moving forward. I’ve loved this conversation as always. If people want to find you, if they want to hire you or work with you, where can we find you?

Coach T. Anthony: They can always find me on Instagram at the day coach. They can slide into my DM’s. That’s basically my hangout, my Tavern, so to speak. I don’t know if you remember the Rockford files back in, in the day he was a private investigator.

Dr. Tari: I’ve heard of it.

Coach T. Anthony: Yeah, he hung out at a bar, so everyone would just find him there. That’s kinda like my thing, like; you can find me at Instagram and then hire me. I’m old school.

Dr. Tari: That’s where I found you. So it works

Coach T. Anthony: There you go. There you go.

Dr. Tari: Well, thank you so much, coach T

Coach T. Anthony: Thank you. It’s been a pleasure. Let’s do it. Again soon.

Dr. Tari: Let’s do it. Thanks for tuning into Dear Dater. This is Dr. Tari, reminding you that if you want love, that’s meant for you.