Intuition vs. Fear, Enlightenment vs. Embodiment, and Personal Sovereignty In Dating and Love – With Danielle Laura
Dr. Tari and Daniel Laura discuss exactly how to tune into intuition vs. fear in love, the difference between enlightenment and embodiment in love, and what personal sovereignty is and why is essential in your dating and relationship life.
Danielle is a two time number one bestselling and award-winning author, advisor, energy and relationship expert, and founder of the H.O.T. Method in her private work. She empowers thought leaders, celebrities, and power couples around the globe to master a deeper connection to their intuition so they can cultivate deeply connected, mutually fulfilling relationships, both personally and professionally.
Find Danielle Laura online!
Website: Danielle Laura | Spiritual Life and Relationship Coaching (danielle-laura.com)
Instagram: Danielle Laura, M.A. (@_daniellelaura_) • Instagram photos and videos
Find Dr. Tari online:
Get a Relationship Reading and discover your blind spots in dating:
Relationship Reading – Dr. Tari Mack (drtarimack.com)
Join Dr. Tari’s Next Level Love:
Next Level Love – Dr. Tari Mack (drtarimack.com)
Intuition vs. Fear, Enlightenment vs. Embodiment, and Personal Sovereignty In Dating and Love - With Danielle Laura
Dr Tari: I’m really excited today to welcome my guest, Danielle Laura. Danielle is a two-time number one bestselling and award-winning author advisor, energy and relationship expert, and founder of the H.O.T Method. In her private work, she empowers thought leaders, celebrities, and power couples around the globe to master a deeper connection to their intuition so they can cultivate deeply connected, mutually fulfilling relationships, both personally and professionally.
Danielle welcome. So happy to have you here.
Danielle Laura: Thank you so much for having me. I’m excited to be here.
Dr Tari: So tell us a little bit about your own journey. And how you got to be in the space of coaching and relationships and intuition and energy and all of that.
Danielle Laura: Yeah. So basically, since I was a little girl since I was like seven, I really knew that I felt this calling towards the healing profession, and I knew I could feel and sense all of these things from people, which was like energy at the time. Few say they experienced the same things that I did.
So I thought it was just kind of weird. I just kind of suppressed it and just, you know, went on my path through life. But it was always that person that people came to for everything, and people would just share their deepest, darkest secrets with, even if I’m just in the grocery store line. So this is something kind of a theme my whole life.
And I genuinely could sense these things from people and would always just apparently have the right thing to say at the right time to someone that would really help them through something major. But I never saw this as anything related to my purpose at all. I just thought, oh, this is just my personality.
Okay. Whatever. But as I went through my journey, I went through the traditional Western medicine field through nursing and then counselling and then I ran a medical centre and through this entire journey, basically, it was always like one thing after the other that continued to come up, that forced me to examine my own. And to examine who was I actually living for? And I had these huge patterns of people pleasing and perfectionism and, just doing everything I thought, the world says you should do to like, be happier, be fulfilled or find love or all of these things. And basically, the disillusionment set in when I was about 28, and I just figured. I have worked my freaking life away. I have the life most people work their whole lives for is as a CEO of a medical centre, I had the salary, the house I was married at the time, like the picture perfect life. And I finally had to be what I call H.O.T with myself, which stands for honest, open and transparent, and really get raw and real and ask myself questions I’ve never asked before. And come to the conclusion of, wow, I’ve really been lying to myself most of my life. And who am I really? And what do I really want and who am I going to live for moving forward? So all of that to say and I kind of went through the spiritual awakening of sorts, and ended up getting really clear on these things. Ended up leaving my corporate career, for the unknowns of entrepreneurship, I ended up getting a divorce, moving across the country, essentially lost everything to find my purpose and rebuild again. And now I’m so blessed to say four years later, here we are. And it was the best decision I ever made. But really that theme of really coming home to my own soul and really being honest with myself. So I could be honest with what I’m really here for, which is to help others really awaken to their truth and that unshakable trust within themselves. So they can make those decisions that are in alignment with what’s truly meant for them.
Dr Tari: Wow. How did you know that you needed to get H.O.T with yourself? Like what was happening internally?
Danielle Laura: Yeah, it was just this. Yeah, it was this dissonance of feeling like I have everything. Why am I not happy?
Why am I not fulfilled? Why am I dreading going to work? Like it’s Saturday? And I can’t even enjoy the weekend. Cause oh God, it’s already going to be Monday in two days. Right?
That feeling where the feeling of. You know, I married, but yet why, why do I feel alone?
Why do I feel like X, Y, and Z and my friendships or whatever the case might be. It really, it really came to just knowing that dissonance in my life of what I want to feel versus what I actually felt.
Dr Tari: Yeah.
Danielle Laura: like, oh, what do I do here? Cause I am not going to do this for the rest of my life. I don’t, I want to be fulfilled. I want to be happy. I want to have deeply connected relationships. So what’s my part in that. And what can I change?
Dr Tari: Yeah. Wow. I think that’s not an uncommon feeling. And I think a lot of people just kind of push that feeling aside or try to ignore it for as long as they can.
Right. It’s scary to really, like you said, be honest with you.
Danielle Laura: Yeah, it is. Cause it can be messy because you have to face things that maybe you never faced before in your life, which is going to bring up emotion that could be difficult to process, especially if you’re doing it on your own without the help of a guide, a coach or a therapist or someone. And I don’t think that we’re always equipped, emotionally to be able to regulate all of that big stuff.
Right. So we tend to just avoid it, suppress it, distract away from it as much as we can, until it catches up to us to the point where we break and we can’t not face it anymore.
Dr Tari: Yeah. So tell me more about the H.O.T method, this honest open, transparent. What is that? What does it mean? What does it do for people?
Danielle Laura: Yes.
So the H.O.T method is a methodology I created in my coaching business, which stands for honest, open and transparent. But what this whole method is, it’s a really like multi-dimensional approach to truth and to healing. So it incorporates the conscious, the energetic, the physical, and the spiritual parts of ourselves. And we get honest, open and transparent across all of those domains. We pull back every layer, every bit of shadow. We go straight into the depth and the root of why things are happening, not just the band-aid that we’ve put over it.
But we get crystal clear as to why we’re doing what we’re doing and why it’s affecting us the way that it is that we can then actively see it and choose to redefine that path with, with a new belief, a new practice, a new level of being, because we’re actually healing the root cause of why all these things are happening. And I’ve found that until you really address the root, you’re always going to keep seeing the same patterns, play out over and over and over and over again. And often we don’t face the route. We just face, you know, we put a little bandaid over at temporarily and we think, Yeah.time will just heal all wounds, but it doesn’t, it doesn’t, it just makes it fade a little bit until the wound is scratched again.
And then you’re bleeding on everybody in your life.
Dr Tari: Yeah. Yeah, this is so true. And I think so often, you know, because we don’t get to the root, we, like you said, we keep replaying those patterns. We keep having the same type of relationship with a different partner, because we think a different partner is going to be the answer.
Right. And dammit, it just doesn’t work that way.
Danielle Laura: Right. Exactly. I think so often not everything is kind of outside of us, right? Like you said, well, we’ll do a different partner. We’ll just be better. The grass will be greener with somebody else. If somebody else has these qualities, then everything will be fine because I’m moving. Right. And we are amazing beings and there’s this really powerful essence in really facing ourselves.
Right. So it’s kind of comes down to like, I guess you could essentially call it self mastery, but that feels, that feels so big sometimes. Right? So when we just break it down and be like, who really am I like, how can I be raw and real and honest with who I am and what I want. So then I can make those shifts that I can have those energetic boundaries in place and understand what’s my part.
What do I get to heal so that I can attract the partner that I really want. That can be a mirror to me. Right. As well as, maybe what hasn’t worked for me in relationships before, maybe what are the patterns of the type of person I’ve always dated and why did that not work? Right. And typically we continue to choose that same person over and over and those same patterns because subconsciously we go to, and we choose what is familiar and safe from childhood. Right.
So certain things, certain wounds that we didn’t have addressed in childhood, we then kind of seek out a subconsciously in our partners. So this work is making the subconscious conscious so we can actively choose things and people that are actually going to be a benefit to us rather than of destruction.
Dr Tari: Yeah,
Danielle Laura: That’s a whole process.
Dr Tari: Right. So I was going to ask you how this process prepares people for, finding their future partner. But you answered one part of that. It sounds like doing that deep healing work shifts our attraction. So we won’t even be attracted to the same type of partner.
Danielle Laura: Exactly. What it’s doing on an energetic level is it’s literally shifting our energy to an entirely new vibration. So the things that, at one point we were vibrating with on a particular level, no longer even come into our existence because we don’t even have we’re energetically unavailable for that.
So we’re not even attracting that type of person anymore. That thing it could, this could be related to anything, but, but specifically, you know, for this pocket, When we’re working on ourselves and we’re healing through our grief or trauma or past patterns, whatever the case might be, we are then raising our energetic vibration. So when you’re raising your vibration, you’re going to meet somebody else on that equivalent of that vibration too.
So it’s like, it’s better for everybody, right? Like you, your partner, the planet, even everyone, but he around. You gets to benefit from you doing the work on yourself. Yeah.
Dr Tari: Yes.
Danielle Laura: And, also thinking of it as I hear a lot of people say, oh my God, work on myself. That’s so hard.
Right? And it, it can sound that way sometimes because we do have to face parts of ourself that could be messy, but I really love to encourage people to think of how exciting this process is. Think about it as, oh my gosh, I get to do this because as I do, I’m going to be able to be the person I’m going to become the person who is ready to attract. The love of my life, or to have the job of my dreams or the business of my dreams, or make the impact that I want to make.
Well, the reason we don’t have that yet is because we’re not that person yet. So what can we do in the meantime to become that person each day? What thoughts can we have that day?
Right. Think about what is the 2.0 version of me or the 10.0, version of me, right? The person that already has everything that I want.
What are their thoughts? First thing, when they wake up in the more.
Dr Tari: Hmm.
Danielle Laura: How do they make a decision when their significant other or somebody they’re dating, completely pisses them off and says something so rude.
How do they handle that situation? Conversely, how do they handle getting exactly what they want?
How do they celebrate that? What do they do? How do they interact with the people around them? What kind of people do they have in their life every day?
What do they tolerate? What do they not tolerate?
In order to become that person, we have to start taking those actions now. And so think of it as think about the healing journey as the most exciting thing you could possibly ever do, because it’s the journey to becoming, doing, being, and having everything that your heart desires.
Dr Tari: Yeah. And I think if people really knew how powerful this work is, they would feel more excited about it. But I think a lot of times a people don’t know that and. They feel like the shortcut is just to look externally, right? Like it’s no fun. It’s boring. I’m not patient enough to work on myself and spend time with myself that it doesn’t sound sexy.
It doesn’t sound exciting. We just want the external to change,
Danielle Laura: But when the internal changes, that’s when we see those external shifts, like pretty immediate.
Dr Tari: Yes, it’s so true. Like even, when people hire me I tell them you better get ready because the minute you commit to doing this kind of work, and I’m sure it’s the same with you. The [00:13:00] universe just kicks into action. Like you are gonna like start seeing things coming your way, people opportunities, tests, lessons, it’s so magical.
Danielle Laura: It is.
Dr Tari: But, I spent most of my life just looking for the external, I wanted to change the external and then that wouldn’t work and I’d still want to change the external, like a new partner, a new city, you know, whatever it is until finally I was like, ah, dammit, I guess I have to work on myself.
Danielle Laura: Yes. You know, it’s funny that you say that one of my clients described it as destination addiction.
And so think about it as destination being anything, right? Not necessarily a new city, but maybe, maybe you’re the type of person that, you know, you can’t live in the same place for too long because you just get bored. Maybe you can’t live in the same house for too long because you get bored. Maybe you don’t want to drive the same car for more than two years because you’re bored of it. Maybe you can’t spend more than six months in a relationship with somebody because you get bored of them. Right. Or whatever the case might be.
Maybe you’re constantly changing business models because you’re bored. Right. Look at it as what is it temporarily that I am avoiding right now in order to have what I want to have, but it might feel like that’s too much work.
Dr Tari: I think, a lot of people feel that way about their relationships. Like they think that they will be happy when they get a partner, but it’s just not going to work that way.
You have to learn how to feel that joy and that. Well, what would you say.
Danielle Laura: Yeah. I say. you gotta be happy now without the partner, that’s, what’s going to magnetize the partner in, right.
If we think of the people in the world that we’re attracted to, it doesn’t have to be romantically. Just anything you could even be a celebrity that we’re like, oh, that person is just amazing.
Right? Think about it. They have an energy about them. There’s a magnetism about them. There’s something in their aura and their energy that makes you want to know that. Mostly it’s because those people probably have what you want, which is happiness and joy. Uh, something fill in the blank that you desire.
[00:14:56] So the same way in partnership. And we’re trying to find someone we want to [00:15:00] date or spend the rest of our life with whatever the case might be. We have to be calm. What would be the attraction for that other person? Right. And it, same thing. If you want, if you want a partner that is happy and joyous and healthy, and is not co-dependent on you, but you guys are both two interdependent people that come together, which creates like next level power in the relationship, then how can you become that person now? How can you become healthy and happy and joyful and whole now so that you can attract that person. So you can be the person that person would want to be with.
Dr Tari: Yes. Yeah.
Danielle Laura: Yeah.
Dr Tari: you, you had mentioned something a few minutes back, you were saying, you have to become this person. Think about like, how would this 2.0 or 10.0, version of yourself respond if somebody really pisses you off. And so. For everybody listening. What would be some good examples of how to respond in the hot method?
If you’re being honest, open, transparent, if somebody’s pissing you off and you’re newly dating them, how do you respond to that?
Danielle Laura: So first I would say, take a pause, you know, take a breather because a lot of times we are triggered in our emotion. Just wants to flare, right. We, we can act out of emotion. So take a pause. That might be 24 hours, right? That might be 10 minutes. It depends on the, you know, the type of processor that you are, but take a pause, come to an emotionally neutral place before you were saying. Okay, because oftentimes again, our emotions get heightened and we’ll say something or do something that’s maybe out of character, right? Or out of spite or out of whatever that we’ll look back and regret. So pause until you can come to an emotionally neutral place and respond from emotional neutrality, that’s creating a grounded energy and your setting, the tone for then how you’re going to respond and how that person can really can receive you in that response.
And then get hot with yourself in that moment and say, okay, Now that I’m emotionally neutral about this, first of all, what are my courtroom values and beliefs. If you don’t already know those, get really clear on what those are and did what this person do or say to me, is this a violation of one of my core truths, values or beliefs? If not, we can work through that, right? No worries. If it is. So if it is a violation, be completely hot about it. Be honest, open and transparent. So, you know, that really upset me because it violates one of my core beliefs, which is trust or whatever the case might be. Right. Fill in the blank for you.
If it doesn’t violate one of your courtroom values or belief, and you can objectively look at it and say, oh, okay. I was triggered by this because of maybe what happened in my past. And may maybe thinking that this person might be doing the same thing as that other person. And I can see now that they’re really not. That was just an overreaction from my part. So I am going to, to respond silage truth and let them know how it affected me, but also coming back to love, because in order to have a healthy relationship, you want to be communicative about those little things that are triggers for you. Not so that the other person can tear you down, but that they know how to love you back.
Moving forward. Right?
So if what they said, piss you off and they know, oh, that’s, that’s maybe a soft spot or weak spot for you because of something that happened in your past. Now they’re equipped to love you better in the future and not say the thing or do the thing that might. You know, piss you off again.
So it’s each person equipping the other with the best way they can love one another or the best way they can relate to one another. Maybe you’re not at the stage of love, but whatever the case might be. Right. I say it’s really about mastering the art of relating to this other person and you got to help them understand you And vice versa.
Right. And I think such a big part of what you’re saying is owning it. This is my experience.
And this is why I probably felt the way I feel and support. And for you to know that, and you know, you said something to like, so that other person can’t like push that button again. But I think also sometimes they will push that button again.
Right. Like, just because we have a trigger or a sensitive spot doesn’t mean the other person has to, it it’s tricky. Right? Because you want the other person to be fully themselves and. You also want them to be sensitive to you and vice versa, so how do you balance that?
Danielle Laura: Yeah. It all comes down. I believe to energy. So frequency is so powerful.
So if you think about if you walk into a room and somebody just had a fight and you can like, feel the tension in that room and you’re like, Ooh, right.
Or conversely, you know, you’re right. We’re at a wedding and it’s so happy and you feel the joy or like whatever the situation is.
That’s energy that we’re sensing and we’re feeling. So when you can come from this energetically grounded place, I really believe that sets the tone for how someone’s going to respond to you because they’re responding in reflection to the energy that you’re emitting.
So if you’re coming from this age group, potentially hostile place, they’re probably going to respond to you in the same energy. Versus if you come from this energy of love and of grounded-ness and an understanding they’re probably going to match that tone. Most likely, not always, but you can’t determine how they’re going to respond to you, but you can determine how you react and respond to them.
Right. And that’s the biggest, that’s the biggest thing. We have that personal sovereignty. We have that personal choice, no matter what. And typically if you’re going to be that grounded in your energy, they’re going to sense that from you and match you wherever you are.
Dr Tari: Yeah. And I think that’s such a good point because we are only in control of where we’re coming from energetically, right? Like what is our intention? Are we coming from love? And if somebody can’t meet us there, if they’re defensive or angry, then that’s just information for us.
Danielle Laura: exactly. It’s all information. And what we do with it is our choice.
Dr Tari: Yes.
Danielle Laura: we can decide, oh, this is the seventh time. Now that this person, you know, responded in this way, what do I choose to do moving forward? Now that I have this information, right? Was this a one-time thing? Is this a recurring thing?
Is this a deal breaker for me versus something that we can work through? These are all pieces of information that we get to gather. And when we feel ready, make the decision, that’s going to be in our highest good, right.
Dr Tari: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. You mentioned sovereignty and, you posted at some point about, you said sovereignty is the new section. And I love the post. So can you talk a little bit about sovereignty and what that is and why it’s important in our relationships?
Danielle Laura: Yes. So personal sovereignty is really becoming honest, open, transparent, and fiercely loyal to your core truths, values, and beliefs to where. Whatever is happening externally does not dictate, or have you falter from what’s happening internally that you can remain grounded and at peace, regardless of what’s happening externally, that doesn’t mean you’re not gonna feel emotion of her or betrayal or, you know, any of these things that are natural emotions.
But even if you do you think still remain true to yourself and you still remain loyal to the core truth, values, and beliefs. You’ve sat for years. And I so believe that’s the new sexy, because if we are all living within our personal sovereignty and having that fierce loyalty to our own grounding and our own truth, and also deeply valuing and respecting other people,
Dr Tari: Mm.
Danielle Laura: world will be a totally different place.
Right. What a, what is sexy world we would live in?
Dr Tari: Yeah. Just pure love from all directions.
Danielle Laura: Absolutely.
Dr Tari: I love that. So the books that you wrote, the first one I think is called dear love. I’m ready for you.
Danielle Laura: Yeah.
Dr Tari: And that is based on your, I guess, part of your journey in love. Can you talk a little bit about that?
Danielle Laura: Yes. Yes. They’re both books that I wrote with a few other amazing women, but my part of the story talks about, my journey from divorce and healing from heartache and coming back to finding love in my own heart again. And what that journey was like for me and the things that I did to find peace again and move forward with my life.
You know, after, after this divorce that I, you know, I thought I would never get divorced. I thought this was going to be forever. So really my journey through that process, healing mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, with really practical advice and tips on how you can do that as well.
Dr Tari: What is one of your number one tips for somebody who’s dealing with the ending of a relationship or heartbreak?
Danielle Laura: I think it’s so important when you’re able to shift the energy into what is the lesson.
And what was this really for my highest good, because I really believe that everything, even our deepest heartaches are all meant for a purpose. That’s so much bigger than us and so much bigger than we can see in the moment. So I think the quicker you’re able to get into the state of gratitude for this was a lesson for my highest good what’s that lesson. And how can I learn it so I can move forward for all the things that are meant for me from a pure heart. That is really, really powerful place to be.
Dr Tari: Yeah. I mean, it makes me think of my own marriage. And even though, you know, it was a journey in and of itself, and I’m glad that it’s over. Divorce was one of the best things that ever happened to me, but that relationship, although it was painful, happened for me. So I could really learn about boundaries.
And it it’s so funny because. Maybe, 15 years ago I had a friend who lived in New York and she had a spiritual advisor who did flower readings. So you’d pick a flower, put your energy on it. And then for me, I mailed it to the sky who did the energy reading, and then he sent me a CD of the, oh my God.
That’s how old it is. He sent me a CD of the reading. Right.
And the whole reading talked about balance. And I didn’t know what the hell the sky was talking about. And I actually had just met my husband, my now my ex-husband, but the whole reading was about boundaries and how I needed to be really focused on my boundaries.
And now it makes complete sense to me, because in my marriage, I spent so much of that marriage trying to make somebody else happy. That can never happen. Right. And just kind of abandoned myself in the process.
So yeah, when I think about my marriage, I’m really grateful because there was so much learning that happened.
Danielle Laura: So, yeah, I think that’s such good advice for people to look for the lesson and know that there’s something there for them.
Dr Tari: Absolutely. There’s always something there
Danielle Laura: Yeah. And what about your second book? Tell us about that.
Dr Tari: it’s called unleashing her wild, and it is all about really tuning into your intuition and mastering it as a guide to a more awakened life.
They both really go hand in hand with everything I believe and stand for. Again, it is that connection really mastering that connection to yourself, right?
Deeply trusting yourself that still small voice within trusting your intuition, that, you know, no matter what decision you’re making in this world, you can be 100% confident that it’s right for you in any given moment and especially in relationships, right? This was a game changer for me of understanding that, you know, when those little red flags come up, and those things that are. Unexplainable. We don’t know how we know, but there’s just something there and it doesn’t really make logical sense. Right. This is our intuition speaking to us. So that book is essentially all about how to cultivate a deeper level of intuition and use it in your life for your highest.
Dr Tari: So what would you say to listeners who maybe are having that feeling about a relationship or have in the past, and didn’t know what to do with.
I would say first of all, tune in, get out. What is it about it? Write it down on paper. We tend to get so jumbled in our mind and get so stuck in our mind thinking like, oh, I’m just over, I’m over analyzing or I’m being too judgemental or blah, blah, blah. Right. We underrate our intuition by making logical excuses, but here’s the thing.
Your intuition is emotionally neutral.
Danielle Laura: Mm.
Danielle Laura: whispers to you, whereas fear screams, right? So it’s those little things that come up that you might literally just brush off and not even think about again, but it just kind of keeps us that subtle, knowing that subtle little like tap, tap.
Hey, tap, tap on the shoulder. Tap, [\ tap red flag, little whisper. Hey, red flag. But then we try to overanalyze it and remind. So. if you’re not a meditator or whatever, just be still for five minutes. If you do meditate or have some sort of spiritual practice that helps you get centered, do that allow yourself, even if it’s just five minutes to get completely centered with yourself and ask yourself the question, whatever it is, you know, is this person, meant to be in my highest good of my life, or, , is this a red flag that could be a deal breaker?
You can ask any question you want. And sit with it, sit in your body, close your eyes, see what it feels like in your body. If it feels heavy. And this is, this is where we’re using somatic awareness. Let our intuition speak to us because our body’s never lied to us. Our bodies are hyper-intelligent, but our minds will try to trick us, right?
Your intuition knows through our body. So as you ask yourself this question, whatever question you want, close your eyes and sit with it. Sit in your body. [00:29:00] Where are you feeling a sensation if at all? And if it’s heavy, if it feels a little bit dense or it feels a little bit constricted in some way, it’s a no for you, right?
It means it’s not meant for you. It’s your intuition saying? Yeah.
this is not good for you can adversely, if it feels open or expansive, or maybe even light, maybe a little bit Tingley and or you feel nice. Then it’s a, it’s a yes for you. That’s your intuition saying? Yes, this is healthy. This is for. So just that subtle little shift of knowing it through your body, like, where’s it coming up?
And this might come up for you and totally different places for me, it comes up in my heart area, right in the middle of my chest. If something is not good for me, it’ll feel like it almost can’t free. That will feel like a heaviness on my chest versus when it’s, when it’s right for me. And something’s good for me.
I feel like a slightest little tingle in my Heartland and it feels like open, almost feels like the energy is going up to my head. Right. But a lot of people say they’ll still feel it in their gut. They’ll fill it. Like literally in their stomach. They’ll either feel really queasy or they’ll feel like excited and happy.
Right. You could feel this anywhere in your bodies and people feel in their head, their legs. It doesn’t matter where, but just start noticing where does your body specifically speak to you and communicate to you? And then let that be your go to place that you look for when you’re asking these questions.
Danielle Laura: And is it light and expansive or is it contracting and let your intuition speak?
Danielle Laura: Oh, my God, this is one of the best explanations I’ve heard of intuition ever.
Dr Tari: I’m so happy to hear that.
Danielle Laura: yeah, it’s so helpful. And I love what you said because people ask all the time, how do you know if it’s for you? Versus intuition. And I love what you said that fear screams at you and intuition is emotionally neutral.
It’s, it’s quiet, right? It’s subtle that you have to be willing to listen. So if you’re in a relationship and you pay attention to your intuition, you ask the questions and then you get to know what should people do with that? Or I guess what are their thoughts?
Dr Tari: I would say fiercely trust that. And then to have the courage to make this decision that might be really hard to make, but that is going to be in your highest. You know, we can prolong things as long as we want, but it’s only going to hurt more either for you or the other person, if you’re just dragging it on and on, right.
It’s going to, it’s better for everyone involved. If you’re just honest, open and transparent from the beginning. And that you, you spare their heart and your own, right? So it might take a while to, to be able to trust it immediately. Because we have to de-condition we have to unlearn all of these patterns of where we didn’t trust ourselves when we were in south betrayal mode, most of our life, probably.
Right. And get to this point where we’re self loyal. Where we trust our intuition immediately and act upon what it is that it’s sharing with [00:32:00] us. I would encourage you start taking those steps to where you can become closer and closer to trusting that, intuition immediately and acting in accordance with what that answer is for you.
Danielle Laura: Yeah. And I think a lot of times other people also may not understand. They may want a logical explanation. I don’t get it like this doesn’t make sense. You know, whether it’s family, friends, that person you’re dating. And, you know, I think I give my clients the language of just to say, I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel aligned for me.
Dr Tari: Yeah.
Danielle Laura: Right. It just, I can’t explain it, but I just know it’s not feeling aligned for me. And sometimes I think just giving people that language it’s so helpful because they don’t have to have a logical explanation. There isn’t one
Exactly. Intuition is not logical. Intuition makes no sense most of the time. So that’s the thing, like you said, I think just doesn’t feel aligned, Right.
It just, something feels off if you don’t have to be able to explain it. And oftentimes you won’t be able to write maybe, especially, in the case where, for example, maybe it is a really healthy relationship and there aren’t any major red flags or anything.
Maybe this person’s the best person you’ve ever dated. still there’s something in you. That’s just like, ah, I can’t put my finger on it. It’s just doesn’t feel right. That is a prime example of your intuition, really speaking to you as well.
Dr Tari: Yeah. Yeah. I’m so glad that we are talking about this on this episode, because I think so many people get stuck in the practical, right? Like they feel that misalignment, they feel the intuitive sense that they’re not in the right relationship or something is not lining up for them, but then they’re like, but you know, here she’s such a good partner and you know, they have all this going for them and maybe I won’t find someone else, you know, the new throw fear into the mix.
And like you said, you can prolong it, but it’s not going to go away. Right? Like that intuition is just so wise.
Always and always, you know, from the very beginning.
Dr Tari: Mm.
Danielle Laura: But you don’t trust it because our logical brain say, oh, well I barely know this person. I need to give it more time or this, that, and the other. And in some cases I want to be clear here too.
In some cases we might think our intuition is saying no, and it really might just be past trauma or experiences that might be running the show. But so a little bit of a disclaimer there, but if you’re actually tuning in consciously and you’re asking your intuition, is this person right for me or not?
You will know from the beginning, it’s just a matter of again, if you’re going to be really fiercely loyal to. Or if you’re going to let logic override and continue down this spiral of being sure that you’re sure, because you’ve seen all these red flags now, right? You can, you can, in some people, some people are the type of personalities that just need all the proof.
Right. And that’s okay if you are, but also you can save a lot of time, energy and heartache. If you just trust your intuition.
Danielle Laura: Yeah. And I think you’re right for those people listening that maybe aren’t, skilled in this yet. Maybe they think their intuition’s telling them something, but they need more information. I think it’s, you know, the more we own our own feelings and experience and we can talk about them or we can ask questions.
With somebody again, we just watched the other person’s behavior. We just, you know, take a little bit more time to gather information and we’ll know, at some point the answer will come, but we just have to be open to hearing it.
Yeah. Wow. I just I’m so happy. We talked about that. Before we end one other thing that you had written about was enlightenment versus embody.
And it seems related to what we’re talking about now. So can you talk a little bit about that?
Dr Tari: Yeah. So enlightenment is the knowing the knowing the right. Embodiment is doing the right thing. It’s being the right choice, right? Because of who you are, this is who you’re being in the world. So for example, in relationship. The enlightenment piece would be saying, oh, I know I need to, you know, date somebody who has pure intentions and, is a grounded person or X, Y, Z fill in the blank.
Embodiment would actually be choosing to only be in a relationship with a person that meets that criteria. Not settle while you’re waiting for that person.
Dr Tari: Yes. Yeah. It’s so much, like, I think episode two of deer dater, I made this metaphor of getting the car up the hill, right. You want to get the car up the hill? The top of the hill is that relationship, that partner, and you have to become that partner as well.
But if you just keep stopping for everybody along the way that maybe is attractive or meet some of these qualities of a partner you want, you’re never going to get up there. You’re just going to be wasting your time, clouding up your energetic space, that the wrong people.
Danielle Laura: Yeah.
Dr Tari: So I love that you’re making this point, you can know. What’s good for you and what you want, but you have to say, I’m only going to choose that.
Danielle Laura: Yeah. So let’s move from that.
enlightenment to embodiment in the dating process and watch how quickly the universe conspires to give you exactly what you want when you energetically decide. I am not settling for anything that I am energetically unavailable for anything less than Yes.
Dr Tari: Yes. So let’s end on that note for anybody who’s hearing that and saying, yes. Okay. I want to, I want to be there. What is the first thing they can do to start like calling in the right people or, you know, having the universe respond to their needs? Yeah.
Danielle Laura: Start embodying what it is that you believe and actually putting that into action. So if you want X, Y, and Z person. Stop dating the people that are not that person. If you’re in a relationship you want it to go to a different level, become that person that is at that level and allow your partner to feel that energy and move to that level with you, pull them up with you, just begin to embody what it is that you want. It begins with you. You choose as soon as you take that aligned action, everything else lines up with it. So don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid of somebody else to take the lead. You take the lead, you are the leader of your own life. So you take that first move and that first step into exactly what it is that you desire.
Dr Tari: Oh, I love this. I love this. So Danielle, if people want to work with you, if they want to find out more about you, where can we find.
Danielle Laura: You can find me at my website, which is danielle-laura.com. Or you can also find me on Instagram at underscore Danielle or underscore, or really on pretty much any, any of the social media sites called Palestinian, Laura Twitter, Danielle, Laura Pinterest, Danielle, Laura, all the things I’m everywhere.
Dr Tari: That’s awesome. Well, thank you so much. I’ve loved this conversation. I think you and I just resonate so much and it’s, it’s, so nice to just chat with.
Dr Tari: Likewise. Thank you so much for having me.
Thanks for tuning into Dear Dater. This is Dr. Tari reminding you that if you want love, that’s meant for you.