The Closer You Are To Your Destined Path, The Closer You Are To Your Destined Relationship – With Dunia Darwiche
Transformation Intuitive Coach and Past Life Regression Therapist Dunia Darwiche and Dr. Tari discuss how the closer you are to your destined path, the closer you’ll be to your ideal relationship. They also discuss how to begin to find your destined path as well as how to find a partner who is in alignment with you.
Dunia Darwiche is a Transformation Intuitive Coach, A Reiki Practitioner, Past Life Regression Therapist and a Designer based out of Montreal.
Find Dunia online!
Dunia Darwiche🔥Holistic Coach (@dunia_darwiche) • Instagram photos and videos
Find Dr. Tari online! http://www.drtarimack.com
Dr. Tari Mack (@drtarimack) • Instagram photos and videos
The Closer You Are To Your Destined Path, The Closer You Are To Your Destined Relationship - With Dunia Darwiche
Welcome to Dear Dater, the PodCast for people who want to change their disappointing relationship patterns and finally access the love they deserve. My name is Dr. Tari Mack, and I’m a psychologist and celebrity love coach. My journey has been one from disconnection and loneliness to love and miracles. And I want this podcast to give you the tools and awareness to help you create and access the love you want in your own life. What we yearn for is meant for us. So if you yearn for love, you’re meant to have it; when we change, our relationships change. I’m so glad you’re here.
Dr. Tari: I’m really excited today to have Dunia Darwiche on our episode. Dunia is a transformational, intuitive coach. She’s a Reiki Practitioner, a past life regression therapist; I want to ask you about that, a designer, and she is based out of Montreal. Welcome, Dunia, so happy to have you here.
Dunia Darwiche: What a nice way to connect
Dr. Tari: I know.
Dunia Darwiche: So lovely, we’ve been on this little Clubhouse adventure, and here we are.
Dr. Tari: Here we are. It’s so funny. So the past life regression therapist, I just finished many lives, many masters.
Dunia Darwiche: Oh, that’s a good one.
Dr. Tari: Oh, my gosh. So good for all the listeners, go read that. It’s amazing, and so you do work related to that.
Dunia Darwiche: Yes, absolutely. So as a little tidbit, I had past life memories from childhood, and they were so vivid and clear, and I didn’t know what to do with them. And I was like, what’s going on? Why do I have memories of being a man at this time in history or a woman doing these things that I shouldn’t even know about right now? And Funny enough. Not long after my mom passed in my teens, my guidance counselor I kept telling her about past lives, past lives, past lives, and she says, you should read this book. So, in. Yeah, in 2010 or 11, I picked up this book, and I was like, this book explains everything that I’ve been feeling and experiencing. So all this
Dr. Tari: Which book? Many Lives, Many Masters?
Dunia Darwiche: Exactly. By Dr. Brian Weiss, and it was amazing. And it’s crazy cause then I got certified as a past life regression therapist two years ago. And yeah, it’s been such a journey, really.
Dr. Tari: I can imagine. Yeah. I like to ask all the guests that come on my PodCast to tell me about their journey and what got you to this work that you’re doing. So tell us about your journey.
Dunia Darwiche: So basically, like I said, it started as a very spiritual path. I’ve had this like spiritual, I’d say like these spiritual gifts since childhood I’d have memories from past lives. I’d have a very strong intuition when it came to people, my parents would take me to places, and I could tell. Oh, that person’s sick or that person’s this, or they’re not happy.
And my mom would always be like, of course, my little girl is totally connected. So my mom and I had a very close connection, a very spiritual connection together. We actually share the same birthday. Yeah, and I was not supposed to be born on my mom’s birthday. This was totally an accident. I was supposed to be born two weeks earlier by C-section, the day of the C-section, and decide; this is not how I’m coming into this world. I’m moving, I’m coming out naturally, and I was born natural, unexpected, on my mom’s birthday.
Dr. Tari: Wow.
Dunia Darwiche: And so my whole childhood, I’d always told my mom, we’re such old souls like we’ve known each other for so many lives. And her response is always, you’re much older than I am, though. And I would say it’s okay because we’ve been in so many lives together and we just know each other, and I was like six or seven years old, and these words were coming out of my mouth, and it’s like I knew something that my brain couldn’t even conceptualize at the time. So here I am, having this extreme spiritual journey at the age of 14, my mom gets diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. They give her two weeks to three months to live, and she ends up living 13 months.
And she passes, and here I am in this world trying to understand these gifts that I have. And I have nobody left to talk to you about them. My dad’s a very rational, calculated engineer. Everything is like on paper and spreadsheets. And here I am being like, I am having memories about people, and I’m predicting death, and I don’t know what to do with all this.
It was not an easy journey at first. I was in. I was a college dropout. I dropped out of college four times and, but I was highly intelligent, and I didn’t know how to cope with what I was going through, trying to fit in a box in a mold that I obviously did not fit into, not in the way that it was working itself out.
So it started to get a little bit rough and rigid at points. And in 2015, I landed myself in the hospital, with one of the biggest anxieties of my attacks on my life that manifests. As something so close to a psychosis that I was diagnosed with bipolar two disorder. And they were like, you’ve had this your whole life, you’re going to have to be medicated for life. This is like a life sentence. And basically, my entire identity shattered, and what I was, these molds that I was trying to fit into were just breaking at the seams, and it wasn’t working anymore, which is in a way the best thing that could happen to me. So it was basically the, in a way, my unofficial rebirth, spiritual rebirth, which was huge and I will never forget. I was sitting in the psychiatrist’s office, and I told him, and I remember being like, how was I saying enough to say this? I couldn’t believe it. I told him, I said, Okay. I’ll take the medication, even though I don’t want to take it, but if this ruins my spiritual gifts, I’m never going to forgive you.
And this, I was like, this girl’s crazy, absolutely nuts. So yeah, basically, what happened is that was the most transformational summer of my life. I got into university by miracle. That’s a whole other story to it. And landed in a program called human relations at Concordia university. Performed beyond like straight A’s worked for the university, loved what I did, ended up doing so much in our work and healing that I was able to get off medications and completely swipe off that diagnosis,
Dr. Tari: Wow.
Dunia Darwiche: Which was nuts. And so, after studying human relations, one night, I was visiting my brother. He was a bartender at the university bar. And I bumped into this gentleman outside, and we started to talk about his life. Someone I knew very; briefly, I was like, what are your fears? What are your goals? And we spent two and a half hours outside speaking about his life and he’s you need to become a coach. And I was like a coach, with, I was like, I do this all the time. I just, I love people in their life. And he says, but that’s exactly it. He’s like you’re onto something. And so that planted a seed in my mind where I was like, oh my God, I need to pay attention to this. So this is where it started to happen, where I was like, okay, I’m on a path.
I got certified as a personal, professional coach with the ICF and then ended up doing, at the same time, my Reiki Certification, my past life regression therapy, knowing that one day I would have to bridge my very human life, like my human work of coaching and my spiritual gifts. And it’s only this year, as of January, that I said, Okay.
My medium work and all of this stuff, I’m going to bridge together, which I had never done before. So I was doing, like, energetic clearings of homes, getting spirits out of homes, and all that stuff. And I never told anyone because I was so shy about it. And I was like, no, one’s going to take me seriously as a coach anymore.
Dr. Tari: Wow.
Dunia Darwiche: So finally, I was like, both of these practices come together, and this is like that beautiful, sweet spot that I get to play in. And a big part of it is also thanks to Clubhouse, where I was like, recognized for both of my gifts. Um, so
Dr. Tari: Yeah, that’s how I found you. And like your own journey, but also the way you talk about your journey and the work you do is something I wanted to bring to my audience. And what we want to talk about today is finding our purpose and path and how that relates to finding love, and how we show up in our relationships. And we might throw in some manifestation; who knows where this conversation is gonna go.
Dunia Darwiche: This is such, and I love this topic so much. My mom, the only letter she wrote to me when she was sick that I still have in writing, that was a letter that she wrote to me was all about finding your true love.
Dr. Tari: What did it say?
Dunia Darwiche: Oh my God. It’s so many juicy nuggets that I’m going to share with you guys today. That means, so this topic means the world to me. And she said, one of the things is if you have one doubt and not those, mind, nervousness doubts, one doubt in your heart. There’s no doubt. And that, love, we often claim is, first, time you see this person you’re starstruck, and she says, but that’s not, the true love. The true love is through those experiences in that time, she said, is this person attentive? Do they forget you in a busy conversation, or do they tend to remember that you’re present and that it’s important to have you there? Does this. There was a big thing about opening the door for you.
That was a big thing that she had wrote, about, does this person open the door for you? How does this person treat your family and friends, but also strangers, because that’s going to give you such a big insight of who this person truly is and how they’re going to start reacting with time.
Dr. Tari: Yes. Oh, I love that. Oh, my gosh. What a treasure for you to have that letter from your mom.
Dunia Darwiche: Oh, yeah. And it’s in a book, and it’s the first few pages of the book. So I always promised myself that it would be the guest book at my wedding and that she would be the first person who got to write in it. So
Dr. Tari: Oh my gosh.
Dunia Darwiche: It means so much to me. Yeah.
Dr. Tari: So beautiful. So let’s talk about. You talk about your destined path, finding your purpose, finding your path. Let’s start there. How do we do that? And do relationships play a role in that?
Dunia Darwiche: Absolutely. So I think one of the big things is, and a big thing on my journey that I remember it hitting me on days you don’t have to choose when someone says, oh, pick one thing. It’s no; I want people to start getting more creative. How can all the things that light you up come together? We live in a time where we can create or pass, and that you have a soul signature. If you’re going to pick just one thing, you’re going to compete with everybody that has that one thing. But if you can find a beautiful place where that puzzle comes together, no one else is going to have that intricate puzzle. A big thing of finding the place. Where all of your passions and your purposes come together in that sweet spot is so sacred and a big thing I want people to start acknowledging and opening themselves up to that possibility. A big thing too is your partner like the people in your life, like all of the relationships in your life are a reflection of the work that you’re doing on yourself, where you’re at internally. If your relationships are draining you, where are you at and not honoring your true essence and who you really are? So the big thing like that is if the relationships around you totally light you up, totally inspire you, totally energize you like honoring that. Yeah, you are on that sweet spot. And if not, you are in the vicinity, that’s for sure.
Dr. Tari: And that sweet spot. Are you talking about alignment?
Dunia Darwiche: Yes, absolutely exactly. For our, all our spiritual guests. It’s like alignment is totally the sweet spot. And for those that don’t really speak that language is, like, knowing that, wow, I feel really good. And I feel like everything seems to be in flow in my life and moving with so much ease and grace.
Dr. Tari: Yeah. The first line of my Clubhouse profile says alignment over everything.
Dunia Darwiche: Hundred percent.
Dr. Tari: And you and I were talking. Before we started recording about how we look externally, instead of looking internally and making sure that everything’s in order internally, can you talk a little bit about that?
Dunia Darwiche: Yes. There’s actually a book that I want to mention called conversations with God. And it’s a way that demystifies how everyone sees God in an original way. And there’s a whole chapter on like conscious relationships. And it says we often focus on the other person; how can I show up for them? And it’s no, how can I show up as the best version of me in this relationship bringing as twisted as twisted, as it sounds, bringing the focus back to ourselves is actually so key in this really in relationships, period. And people would be like, oh, but that’s selfish. And it’s no, but how can I show up as the best version of me and then be met or matched with what’s going on or even seeing it as, how can I give from the overflow of my already full cup?
Dr. Tari: Yes, Yeah, because that’s where our power is. When we focus on somebody else, we’re powerless. We can’t change anybody. We can’t get them to do anything.
Dunia Darwiche: And seeing that these relationships, like we can only be a hundred percent of 50% of a relationship. Like we will never be able to be more than a hundred percent of the 50, it’s whoa.
Dr. Tari: God knows. I tried twice,
Dunia Darwiche: Oh, we are
Dr. Tari: In my old relationships. Yeah. Classic overfunctioner. I tried to do all the work, and it doesn’t work that way.
Dunia Darwiche: And yeah. And these people so many times, we do the work, especially that we’ve been in the personal growth field for so long as we do the work. And we’re matched with people that seem like they’re not doing the work. And it’s but how are they reflecting to me? The work that I’m not doing on myself?
Dr. Tari: Yes. Yes.
Dunia Darwiche: Not always easy to admit or look at, but definitely freeing once we just, ah, look at it without judgment and just say it is what it is and what can I do with it?
Dr. Tari: Yeah. Can you say more about that? Cause I find that a lot, especially. It can be for men and women, but especially for women, I think. We give and give, and then we’re disappointed or frustrated or resentful that we’re not giving back. So what advice would you say to people that are in that situation?
Dunia Darwiche: So, the first thing is where is this giving coming from? What is the intention with giving? Could you give anonymously, could it come from not even from you, or are you seeking something? Acceptance validation, being seen, being heard, being loved. If this gift was coming from an external source, would this. Would you love to see this person having this thing, even though it didn’t come from you?
Dr. Tari: Ooh, ow. That’s good.
Dunia Darwiche: Yeah.
Dr. Tari: Wow.
Dunia Darwiche: And this is where, like, where I feel like they call it unconditional love. And I know that, whole term has double-edged sword meanings. People are so worried about using it but like this divine and infinite love. Do you love someone so much that you want to see love for them, whether it comes from you or not?
Dr. Tari: Yes. Oh, God. I love that question. I’m writing that one down.
Dunia Darwiche: Yeah, it’s not easy. That’s not a comfortable one because oftentimes, it’s like, we want to be part of the equation so badly. We want it to be us, and it’s, but can we take ourselves out of that equation?
Dr. Tari: Yeah. Yeah. And I think thinking about myself and the journey that I traveled to get to where I am, I would give as a way to receive love. That’s how I felt I had to give, to earn love to, to be worthy. And that’s yeah. So wanting that to come from someone else? Hell no. I was not in that place.
Dunia Darwiche: Oh, yeah, totally. And often, these patterns are from childhood. So I like, I know myself like overcompensation all the time, like going, bending over backward for relationships like beyond I knew coming, it was coming from a place of wanting to be seen and heard from my dad. So much so, like that was the one person that was at the top of all pedestals that I was like, if only he said he was proud or he left me without any condition or without any but this or, but that, so it would keep replaying in my relationships. So how are there relationships that are around you replaying histories or childhood stories?
Dr. Tari: Yeah.
Dunia Darwiche: And people are a lot of them married to their trauma. It’s almost even if they’re aware of it; they won’t let it go because there’s a certain identity attached to this. And that can be really uncomfortable to look at times. And saying no, I’m still a person with or without this trauma. And I am still a person, even though I choose to rewrite this story.
Dr. Tari: Yes. That’s what I was just thinking, like we can rewrite the story, but we have to let go, right? Of that old story of the old version of us, and that’s scary. It’s unknown.
Dunia Darwiche: Yes. It, yeah, it is, the unknown because we don’t know what comes after that. And it’s all that we’ve known. So it’s Ooh, can I let this go? And sometimes you’d think like, why wouldn’t I let go of trauma? That’s the first thing I would want to let go of, but having never been without it, it’s like sometimes we hang on, it’s sometimes they got, toxic relationship.
Dr. Tari: Yes. Yes. So one of the things you said when we were talking before outside of this podcast, you said until we walk our destined path, it’s going to be a challenge to meet our envision, a partner. So talk to us about that.
Dunia Darwiche: So I think that if you’re with a partner that you’re like, oh, I’m enjoying this, but this isn’t my dream, my goal, my envisioned partner, where are you not living your truth out because you’re being always mirrored back where you’re at. What I think is super important to note is basically, the partners that are in your life are a reflection of where you’re at. And so if you look back at your history, you’re going to be able to say, oh wow, this is where I was at this stage of my life. This is where I’m at now. And I think if you are doing the work and getting closer and closer to your true self, you’re going to see that the partners are going to be closer and closer to that envisioned partner as you go.
Dr. Tari: Yeah. So how do you know that? How will you know? And it sounds like what you’re saying is, every partner meets you where you’re at, depending on what your work is in that chapter, what your lesson is in that chapter. That’s the language that I use, right? Like for me, years and years of my relationships were about me learning how to set boundaries. And I just kept getting partners that I needed to set boundaries with. And I didn’t. So I don’t deal with that anymore. My work now is different because I’m in a different area I’m leveled up,
Dunia Darwiche: Exactly.
Dr. Tari: So, how do people know if they are close to their destined path or their highest path?
Dunia Darwiche: I think when you feel the alignment. If you keep feeling like your partner is not getting you. And also not that they don’t speak the same language in that sense that you may be speaking one language. Like you may be a very spiritual person, your partner isn’t. But if there isn’t a place where you guys meet, and it feels like, flown alignment, then there’s something. I find this a lot with very spiritual people. They tend to be like, yeah, it’s crazy, my, my partner is very much in the 3d is very much in the human realm, masters, the human life very well. And I said, but that’s beautiful because it’s like the tree is a perfectly stable place, so the bird can come and land on.
So someone who lives a very spiritual up in the air experience has a beautiful, like kind of pillar in their life, which is their partner—so honoring that they don’t have to speak the same language. They don’t always have to understand you, but is there some kind of energetic understanding, mutual respect where it feels like flow?
It feels like you can let your guard down with this person. You can show up fully as yourself. Super important, or are you constantly teetered like stepping on eggshells, trying to meet this person where you don’t really fit? Then I would question. Okay. Maybe I’m not quite in a relationship that is in alignment with me.
Dr. Tari: Yeah, I love this. And I even, I’m glad we’re talking about this cause I have wondered about this cause me being a highly spiritual person, I wondered I haven’t dated a lot of spiritual men. But like my last partner, even though we weren’t in total alignment, he let me be my spiritual self, and he could join me there and hold space for that, and that just felt so good. And yeah, I love that. You’re saying that for those of us who are very spiritual, it’s not that we need somebody to match us there, but they do need to hold space for that and let us talk about it and meet us there.
Dunia Darwiche: Yes. And holding space. It’s so powerful and partnership and divine partnership. I find that because it goes both ways, right? As a spiritual person, it’s so sacred to have someone hold space for us. But ourselves, also holding space for someone who’s not going through a spiritual path in our style, because I’ve also found, there are times where I was, but partners, where I was like, wow, this person claims to be the last person from spiritual but if this person’s quotes were taken and put it in, in one of Deepak’s books, you would be like, that’s one of the best quotes of the book.
Dr. Tari: Yes. Yeah. The way they live, the way they speak, the way they see things is so spiritual and so loving, so wise, but they don’t call it that it’s just a different language.
Dunia Darwiche: Exactly, it’s so powerful. Yeah. And I think that a big thing is if you haven’t come to yourself, it’s going to be really hard to come to a partner that feels like home. It’s going to be like; it feels like you’re staying at a hotel all the time. Oh, it’s exciting. It’s fun. But it’s never going to feel like I’m home because you haven’t found home within you.
Dr. Tari: Oh my God. I love this. Cause I always say like the work is really understanding that you are your own home base.
Dunia Darwiche: Exactly. Exactly.
Dr. Tari: And I tried to avoid that for years. Like I was not home and myself for so many years. And so, I kept choosing partners that didn’t feel like home.
Dunia Darwiche: Exactly. So we keep replaying scenarios through partners that we keep inviting in. So this was one of my biggest relationship realizations a few years ago that I had, and I kept saying, why do I keep attracting men that refuse to commit that were literally like we would be seeing each other quote, unquote for two and a half years, and it would never lead anywhere, and this would happen over and over again.
And I was like, why? And one day, I sat in front of the mirror. And I was like, I’m going to sit down and have a conversation with myself cause I tend to do that. I find it’s a beautiful way to unpack things that you’re avoiding or hiding away from everybody else. And I was like, what is it? And I, it was so clear that it was like I keep attracting men that will never commit because then I’m safe. Will never have like secretly they reflect, reflecting back to me, the deepest layer of me never wanting to be with a man who would truly commit because he would have to stand up with me to my demons.
And I was like, if someone knew the demons that I live with, I would be freaking out. So by attracting men that would never commit. I was playing the safe game. I was like, all pretend the whole I’m so in love and poor me and victim mode. Like I keep being, wanting to commit, and they don’t. And, but really it was like, oh yes, thank God. I know they won’t commit, so I can pretend this game, and I can play this as long as I want because I know at the end of this, I’m safe.
Dr. Tari: Because you were so afraid of being fully seen
Dunia Darwiche: A hundred percent because sometimes it’s not just about us being seen. It’s about our life, our extensions, our family, or home or history and then the thought of opening yourself up completely and then being rejected is scary if it can freak you out at times. So just completely avoiding them. And say, oh, I’ll just keep attracting partners that won’t commit; it’s fantastic.
Dr. Tari: Oh, I think that’s so important. So we attract people who, how would you say that?
Dunia Darwiche: So we keep attracting people that replay the stories of our childhood until we’ve looked at them, accepted them, healed them, and then cleared them out.
Dr. Tari: Yeah, that’s what I call unconscious attraction. I love this. You’re speaking my language. So how do we, for the listeners, how do we start to acknowledge those old patterns, those old traumas, and heal them? What do we do?
Dunia Darwiche: So the first thing is awareness. Big time, look at try, put on paper. Maybe even list out the partners that you’ve had, list out the feelings that have come up with each, how things ended up playing out, how things ended up ending, and see if you can see patterns or cycles through these partners.
It may not be with every single partner, but you’ll see what, the majority of the partners it tends to be a similar story that gets replayed, and I’d also write next to each one. What was my part to play in each tango? Because it’s so easy to say, oh yeah, they were going through this. This was them. But what about me? Even in very abusive relationships and very traumatic experiences. What part did you play because that allows you to heal, and that allows you to then if you were to be presented with a situation, even anywhere similar to that, how could I play differently? So the outcome could possibly be different. First thing is definitely awareness more than anything, then awareness of the cycles. Then another piece would be awareness of the roots. Where did this first play out?
Usually, it’s in the home and the personal home, or very young childhood experiences. And if you want to go even deeper than that, you can go through generational trauma or cycles. Where did either of my parents do this? And you can hear it in subtle stories from their dating life or their childhood, of the relationship they had with their parents. Just being aware of this. You’re already disempowering this cycle and this pattern; I’d say at least 50%. The other 50% is saying, okay, now what do I do with this? When does it come up? Where do I want to play differently? And this may take a few times to go over again, and by a few, it depends on the person how many times, and you can see yourself playing out a cycle and then saying, oh, this morning when I had the, this disagreement or the situation that’s, that was the cycle. And, yeah. Okay. You’re aware of it a few hours later, but just being aware of it with the shorter, the amount of time between the situation and your realizations, the closer you are to rewiring the mind.
Dr. Tari: Yes. Yes. I love this. I always call it like the universe gives us growth opportunities. Right?
Dunia Darwiche: Yes. Totally. Totally. Totally.
Dr. Tari: And it’s that consciousness, that awareness that, okay. Okay. It’s happening. Instead of doing it the old way, I’m going to lean into the uncomfortable thing and do that. And I love what you said about making the list and identifying what was my role. And one of the ways that I think you can think about this too, is if you think about your childhood and the most painful or frustrating things that happened, and how did you respond as a kid? Because as kids, we learn how to respond in ways that keep us feeling safe and loved. So whether it’s going to hide in our room and stuffing down our feelings or acting out and screaming at the top of our lungs or, being suspicious, whatever it is, we’re probably doing those same things as adults and those things, even though they were protective, as children are keeping us from loving connection as adults.
Dunia Darwiche: I often see when someone’s acting out the way they’re acting, you can usually associate a certain age to it. Even when an adult is reacting to a situation, even if it’s in public and you mentioned you see someone having some kind of fit. And if you can associate in your mind, what kind of age would you associate with this style of a fit? It usually shows where their trauma is to that emotion in that person’s life. So I would see my dad have fits when I was growing up, and I was like, oh my God, it’s kinda he acts like a four-year-old, and I’m like, eventually start to realize, there was trauma at the age of four in his life. And I was like, oh my God, this is crazy. So you’re going to start to notice where people’s traumas are and what ages they are from, just the way they’re reacting still today. No matter, could be a full-blown adult and all of that stuff.
Dr. Tari: Yes. And I, what I always help people understand is we have to grow up. We have to be adult partners. And I say that with love and I, cause I, I was the woman acting like a child and my relationships. Cause I didn’t know any better. And so, learning how to become conscious and more mature and we are adults now we can respond differently. We have power that we didn’t have as children is such an important part. I think of what I think you called it divine relationship.
Dunia Darwiche: Yeah. Divine partnership. Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Tari: And so it seems like, in a divine partnership, both people are going to be open to looking at themselves and being accountable to their own work and growth.
Dunia Darwiche: Oh, yes. And I think that once we come to this beautiful realization of we are adults, and we are responsible now for our realities, is that. There’s a certain, like healing that’s happened, and it allows us to also be totally children in the process and having fun and being including, and in, yeah, including play in our relationships.
I think like my best relationships, romantic relationships were what I could be such, a child in the middle of it. And just literally be dancing in the kitchen and making jokes and laughing because I was finally safe to be, to show up fully as me. While at the same time taking full responsibility for the reality of my relationships when I would get triggered. Okay. What is my part to play? And just being aware that this person’s coming with their own trauma and reality that they’re projecting onto the situation too. And seeing both people from a third-party perspective, from an observatory view, it was really helpful.
Dr. Tari: Yes. Yeah. You’re right. Both people are coming in with their own triggers, their own traumas, their own experiences. And so how do we in a divine partnership, how do we respond to somebody else’s triggers and traumas? What is our job or role there?
Dunia Darwiche: I think holding space, like we said, is a big one, understanding that all of us are human coming in with our own baggage. Seeing them also as, like, when someone’s going through a very difficult time or they’re triggered, or they’re flying off the handle, seeing it as a hurt child, seeing them as just they’re expressing their pain as a child.
And it’s basically seeing these are traumas that oftentimes we hold from childhood—and just holding space. It’s a; we find it a lot easier to hold space for a child that’s hurting than for an adult that’s hurting. And just seeing that really like the adult that’s hurting is really just that inner child that’s hurting, just honoring that holding space is the most important thing and knowing that this doesn’t belong to you, this belongs to them and taking yourself out of the equation. Is so important, A for yourself N for your partner, it allows your partner to live out their experience and the space they need to heal and takes you out of the equation where it’s nothing personal. Like instead of taking on this attack as, oh, it’s me, you’re doing more damage than good. And you’re also robbing this person of an opportunity to heal and grow.
Dr. Tari: Yes. Yes. I’ve worked with so many people who, their partner has a big reaction like that, and they say, okay, I’ll do it differently next time. So I don’t trigger you. And I’m like, no.
Dunia Darwiche: Avoidance and. Yeah, there’s a big thing too, is so many people try to avoid the discomfort and, oh, I’ll do it differently. So this doesn’t happen. And it’s, but you’re robbing this person of an opportunity to grow. And we often don’t think that because we’re like, we’re being like so caring and so loving and we’re trying to provide so much space, but at the end of the day, no, by bypassing all of this and making it extra comfortable and doing the work for them, quote-unquote, which we’re not really doing is we’re, yeah we’re robbing them of that opportunity. It’s oh
Dr. Tari: Yeah. And the other person may not see it that way. They may actually be handing us the responsibility; stop doing that. So I stopped feeling this way, but I think that’s where boundaries come into place, both to say, it’s not me causing this, I’m sorry you’re going through this, but this is hitting something in you that you need to look at and I’m here and also boundaries to say it’s okay, that you’re triggered and that you’re having feelings, but also you can’t treat me that way you can’t talk to me that way—so holding space, but also taking care of yourself.
Dunia Darwiche: Exactly. Exactly huge. And boundaries, I find people who have trouble with boundaries. I see it in both extremes always. People that are like, overly giving and all of that stuff all of a sudden have trouble with certain things when people are like, okay, no, I’m good or like with when I see problems of boundaries, I’m like, okay, it shows up in this extreme how does it show up in the other extreme? It’s a tough one, boundaries. And especially now that we live in a time where we’re constantly connected, it’s tough to have boundaries. It’s a big challenge in the sense where it’s like being able to shut the phone off, being able to cut that communication, and take time out for ourselves. Constantly being hooked to the other world is okay. What thoughts belong to me? And what are the thoughts that I picked up from my day in the social media and all the conversations I’ve been having? That space used to be a lot more protected with our partners. And now it’s like we’re in bed with our partners and the 50 people that are buzzing our phone, and it’s whoa, can I create sacred space with my partner and not have everybody in bed with us?
Dr. Tari: Yeah. Oh my God. We could do a whole episode on that. Oh my gosh. So when you say like, the extremes, are you saying that people who are like naturally giving and that they have a hard time when someone else sets a boundary? Like they don’t want all the giving? Yes.
Dunia Darwiche: So people and I, at the beginning, didn’t see it so much cause I was like, oh, okay. Like I was someone who had troubles with boundaries myself. And then when I started to see it with clients as those that were extreme givers, in certain situations, we’re actually extreme takers also without realizing totally unconsciously. And I was like, oh my God, this is crazy. So I started seeing any client that had or person really has one extreme you’re going to see patterns or evidence of the other extreme. It just may be hidden under the surface or show up in other aspects of life.
Dr. Tari: Oh, my God. I feel like this. is such a nugget, such a nugget. Yes. Yeah. What is The true reason for your giving? And it may not be conscious, right?
Dunia Darwiche: Exactly. Exactly.
Dr. Tari: So for my listeners who might be asking, okay, how the hell do I find my destined path? How do I get on my highest path? What would you, how
Dunia Darwiche: I love this.
Dr. Tari: What advice do you have?
Dunia Darwiche: The first thing is to grab a pen and paper number one, okay. And be messy with the process; if you’re going for perfection and for it to be a three-step process from the first time you write it down, you’re probably, it’s gonna, it’s gonna be a lot more frustrating than you think.
The next thing I would have you write is what lights you up? What are topics you love talking about? What do you get lost doing? Whether it’s painting, drawing, having conversations, putting together models or plans on paper, whatever lights you up, explaining concepts to people. Just getting super clear of a, what do I love to do? What do I love to talk about B, C, what do I, what am I naturally talented at? D, what is the impact that I want to have on this world? So these are some good starting points to starting to put them down on paper. And even if they look all over the place and they’re like, how the hell does, do these connect? Trust me, five years ago, my path made no sense. I was like a fine arts, art therapist, and fine arts, a teacher for a decade.
And then I would love human relations. I love personal growth, I love sales and on, entrepreneur, I was like, I’m spiritual. I’m like, how is this all gonna fit together? And my dad would always say, you have to pick one thing. And then under, and eventually all of this stuff starting, to start to come together, like a magnet, because you have to trust that the pieces are gonna fall into place.
I know, there’s this crazy story about Steve Jobs, where he took a calligraphy course and people were like, why is this, what is this gonna do? Like, how is this gonna serve you in any way? And Apple is known for its fonts and design, and it only made sense at the very end. So, honoring that every time life offers you a detour where you’re like, how does this make sense to me?
It’s going to lead you to that purpose. There’s an important piece that you’re picking up. Whether it’s a tool, a skill, a lesson on every single detour you’re taking, then even in relationships, like sometimes we think like, why the hell did I date this person? You either learned something, met someone, experienced something that you had to, that was part of your path.
And when you see all of these as gifts and opportunities, you start to be like, oh, okay. And rather than rejecting and avoiding that part of yourself that obviously had to do with your life. At some point, you start to see, oh, okay. There was, purpose. There was some kind of, like divine destiny of I had to be there at that time to do that thing to be where I’m at today.
Dr. Tari: Oh, my gosh. I love that. Yes. And like those detours, I think we know to follow those when we feel excited about it, when we feel pulled toward it, when it lights us up, even if it doesn’t make sense.
Dunia Darwiche: Yes, exactly. And if it, even if it makes sense to nobody else but yourself, and that’s where people need to start listening to themselves, way more than before. And I always tell people like you guys have every single answer that you keep seeking like it’s inside all. Like sometimes, you just don’t have a very good shovel. That’s fine. You go to an expert to give you a new shovel recommendation, but really all of those answers are inside you. It’s just a matter of time and tools for them to come out.
Dr. Tari: And I think sometimes, courage, to be able to hear it, cause sometimes we don’t want to hear the answer, we’re not ready
Dunia Darwiche: Yes. And in, the moment it’s scary until we’re ready. And then when we’re ready, it’s oh my God. And it’s never as scary as you think.
Dr. Tari: Exactly. And I always tell people, you can hear the answer, you can hear the truth that rises up and still not be ready to act on it. And that’s okay.
Dunia Darwiche: Exactly. Exactly. Yes. So true. It’s funny. We were having this conversation today. I’m, like divine timing, always. I was talking with a client, and he’s what if I’m aware that this may not be the person for me? And I was like, awareness and action are two different conversations. Like awareness is great. There’s awareness that’s fine. Action? That’s a whole other conversation. And I’m like; we could choose to have this conversation. Now we could choose to have this conversation later, and I’m like, and nobody has to force you to do anything
Dr. Tari: Yes, it’s so true. So I love that we’re ending on this note, that in order to move toward your destined path, your highest path, follow the things that light you up. And if you don’t know what those things are yet, make this list, and a lot of people aren’t even in touch with these things yet. They don’t know what they like to do. They don’t know what kind of people they gravitate toward. They don’t know what they get lost in and what they’re passionate about. And that’s okay, just start now, start exploring, start listening to yourself. You do have the answers.
Dunia Darwiche: And I think just starting this exercise, even though nothing comes on this paper, will open something that’s subconscious, where suddenly you’re going to start paying attention and asking yourself questions, and the answers are going to come to you.
Dr. Tari: Yes. It’s so true. It’s once you ask the question, the answers start to come; it’s like you’re awake now.
Dunia Darwiche: Exactly.
Dr. Tari: I love that. Yeah. So what would you leave my listeners with? If you had to leave them with one drop of wisdom, either that we’ve covered or haven’t covered, what do you want them to know?
Dunia Darwiche: I think that every relationship is a gift big time. And it’s not about, is this it or is this not? It is; what is this trying to teach me right now? About me and about life.
Dr. Tari: I love that my book’s title is every relationship is a test. I like yours better.
Dunia Darwiche: Oh, I know. I love this. Yeah.
Dr. Tari: So great. I definitely want to have you back. I feel like there’s so many other things we could talk about.
Dunia Darwiche: So many stories about relationships, and I’m like, oh my God, we have to talk about this more. It’s such a juicy topic. It really is. And I love it so much. There’s so much to it.
Dr. Tari: Yeah, I agree. So how can people find you if they want to learn more about you if they want to work with you?
Dunia Darwiche: Oh. So the best way to reach me is through my Instagram. It’s the platform that I’m most active on. So it’s Dunia D U N I A underscore Darwish, D A R W I C H E. And yeah, that’s the best place to reach me. A website isn’t currently being built and everything. So that’s going to be like the little hub, and then I’ll be able to direct you in any direction.
Dr. Tari: Awesome. I’ll put a link to your Instagram in the show notes so everybody can find you, Thank you so much. for this conversation. I love the way you phrase things. And I love our conversation. So Thank you
Dunia Darwiche: Thank you so much for having me. This is such a gift to be able to have this conversation with you on this platform, and looking forward to everything that’s coming.
Dr. Tari: Thanks for tuning into Dear Dater. This is Dr. Tari, reminding you that if you want love, that’s meant for you.