What Is Your Attachment Style, and Can You Change It? With Mary Beth Somich

Dr. Tari and therapist Mary Beth Somich discuss attachment styles, how they are formed and how they impact our romantic relationships in adulthood. We also discuss: can you CHANGE your attachment style?

Mary Beth Somich is a licensed therapist, private practice owner podcast host coach, and course creator.

She specializes in family dynamics and is passionate about using her training at Columbia University to promote modern mental health and help make therapy accessible, relatable, and relevant. She mentors other therapists

in promoting their own mental health platforms, building thriving, private practices and passive income streams.

Find Mary Beth online:

http://www.instagram.com/yourjourneythrough

Email: marybeth@yourjourneythrough.com

Course website: http://www.Instagrowthfortherapists.com

Find Dr. Tari online:

Get a Relationship Reading and discover your blind spots in dating:

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Episode Transcript

What Is Your Attachment Style, and Can You Change It? With Mary Beth Somich

Dr. Tari: Dear Dater, the podcast for people who want to change their disappointing relationship patterns and finally access the love they deserve. My name is Dr Tari Mack, and I’m a psychologist and celebrity love coach. My journey has been one from disconnection and loneliness to love and miracles. And I want this podcast to give you the tools and awareness to help you create an access to the love you want in your own life. What we yearn for is meant for us. So if you yearn for love, you’re meant to have it when we change our relationships change. I’m so glad you’re here.

I’m really excited today to have Mary Beth Somich on our episode. Mary Beth is a licensed therapist, private practice owner, podcast host, coach, and course creator.

She specializes in family dynamics and is passionate about using her training to promote modern mental health and help make therapy accessible, relatable, and relevant. She mentors other therapists in promoting their own mental health platforms, building thriving private practices and passive income streams.

Welcome, Mary Beth. Thank you so much for being here.

Mary Beth Somich: Thank you for having me. It’s a real treat.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. So I found you on Instagram. I think you were talking about attachment styles, which I know is something my audience wants to know more about. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today.

Mary Beth Somich: Perfect. Yes. As someone who specializes in family dynamics, attachment styles come into the conversation often within sessions. So it’s definitely an important thing to give some attention to.

Dr. Tari: Yeah.

Especially I think when we’re talking about dating and relationships, shed a lot of light on that area. So before we get into that, though, can you tell us a little bit about you and your journey into the mental health space and doing the work you do?

Mary Beth Somich: Absolutely. So I took an interest in psychology from a very young age. I’ve always been interested in family dynamics and just human behavior, like why people make certain choices and what motivates them. And sometimes how trauma can play a role in that too, and different family systems.

I went to grad school at Columbia and really focused on family dynamic work there. I moved on and established my private practice your journey through. I started working with kids, and then I realized when you work with kids, you’re really working with parents.

Dr. Tari: Yes.

Mary Beth Somich: So, I found that the work that I really loved, and I was really energized by was working with teenagers who are just finding their own independence and young adults who are often dating and establishing healthy boundaries differentiating from their family. So while I work with teens and young adults, it is still family dynamic centered.

Dr. Tari: Let’s just start with kind of an overview of attachment styles. Let’s give us an overview.

Mary Beth Somich: Sure. So attachment styles are predominantly formed in childhood. And this is often based on our relationship with primary caregivers. And the idea behind the whole theory is that if one needs were or were not met by their primary caregiver, then this impacts their future social and intimate relationships.

And a lot of this research was done like years and years ago when mothers were primary caregivers at home. So some of that, I would love to see them update into fathers or even same-sex or same gender parent households. But that is primarily where the research on attachments stemmed from.

But I always tell people before you go and start blaming your parents for your attachment style just note that, those form during childhood are not necessarily identical to those demonstrated in adulthood, especially in romantic relationships. A lot of time, sorry, a lot of time has elapsed between then, and your intervening experiences can also play a big role.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. What kind of intervening experiences with peers with romantic relationships?

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah, absolutely. So, for instance, if you’re in your first relationship, there was really intense infidelity, then you might go more towards an anxious style. Or if you were always just shut down by your partner. Maybe you’ll start gravitating towards avoidant and start suppressing those emotions.

So I think it’s a mixture of both experience and also the attachment style formed in childhood,

Dr. Tari: Got it. Yeah. And I think it’s important, right?

To use that language. Like it’s not really about blaming our families, our parents, because they’re just humans too, who were raised by people with limitations and, we’re all limited in certain ways. And so it’s really just about understanding the impact of our experiences.

Mary Beth Somich: Right. 100%.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. So give us an overview of the different types of attachment styles.

Mary Beth Somich: So there are three primary ones and a fourth that’s sometimes included and sometimes not so secure, anxious and avoidant are the three primary. And then we’ve got the fourth is disorganized, which I look at as a combination of anxious and avoidant together. It’s like the hot and cold one.

So yeah, I could definitely go through and describe each if that would be helpful.

Dr. Tari: Yeah, let’s do that. And that way, people listening to this can see if they haven’t looked into this already, they can try to figure out where they fall in attachments.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah. So, secure is of course like the ideal attachment style. I think that’s the, what it gets the rep for. And what’s really interesting to me about secure, that style in particular secure is that around 55 to 65% of people tend to self identify themselves secure. They’re like, yeah, I’m good.

I’ve got it all. I’m so good. However, the research suggests that actually less than 10% of the population is securely attached.

Dr. Tari: Wow.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah. So I always just keep that in the back of my mind. And it also speaks to just the lack of awareness that people have of yeah. I think everything’s fine, but really when they dig into anxious or avoidant or even disorganized attachment styles, they’re like, wait, I actually do identify with some of that stuff.

Yeah. But there are securely attached people. They do exist.

Dr. Tari: And what is that what are the characteristics of that?

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah. So they’re very trusting, comfortable with intimacy emotionally and physical. They tend to have positive views of themselves, positive views of their partners, relationships are typically low conflict and the relationship has a good balance of autonomy and intimacy. They’re really like keeping theirselves and holding space for their relationship at the same time.

Dr. Tari: Yeah.

Mary Beth Somich: And so because of that, they tend to have long lasting, successful relationships.
Dr. Tari: Sounds so wonderful.

Mary Beth Somich: Right, I know. Yeah. So to date someone who’s securely attached there’s more vulnerability in that relationship because vulnerability is a concept that is safe and there’s also healthy boundaries. They are more trusting than some other types and don’t often like blame or belittle or attack their partners.

And even when they are wronged in a relationship, they tend to be able to bounce back and acknowledge that pain, but then continue onto love and trust again,

Dr. Tari: Yeah. Why do you think that is? What is it about the securely attached person that allows them to do that?

Mary Beth Somich: I think it’s resilience when you have a healthy attachment you believe that. Like the world is good and things are okay. And there’s like the safety that I think really helps cultivate resilience.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. All right. So a lot of people think they’re securely attached, but in reality, maybe not.

Mary Beth Somich: Yes. Yes, exactly. And then we’ll go move on to anxious attachment.

Dr. Tari: Yes, this is my attachment style, but I’ve been trying to heal my whole life. So, I know a lot about this one.

Mary Beth Somich: Okay, good. So maybe we’ll come in and relate to some of it, but anxious, anxiously attached to individuals can be just that they can feel anxious. Research links, this type of attachment to low maternal availability, or sometimes having highly anxious caregiver can contribute to that.

So if you’re anxiously attached, you might feel hesitant or reluctance to become close to others might worry that your partner doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, might become more distraught when relationships end, because it’s really like an attachment rupture again.

And the reason being, often having just attachment is because there’s been some kind of rupture in our history. So maybe worrying excessively or struggling with boundaries sometimes even low self esteem if you’re personalizing it. So when you date someone who is anxiously attached, it’s not uncommon for that person to seek a lot of a lot more reassurance than maybe another type. Because they really need the validation to feel secure in that relationship. And sometimes there’s nothing wrong with needing a little more validation and reassurance. It’s just something the other partner has really got to recognize, and it can be harder for certain other types.

And we’ll get into that later

Dr. Tari: Yeah.

I think a lot of people that I work with have this anxious attachment style and, it’s really hard to be anxiously attached and, dating and in relationships because you never really feel safe.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah.

Dr. Tari: You talked about the needing that constant reassurance and validation, and I think oftentimes anxiously attached people look for that from their partner or from an external source. When in reality, it’s something we need to learn how to give ourselves too. So it’s a combination of being able to communicate when you’re feeling anxious, asking for what you need, but also doing the self work so that you’re not coming from that place of fear all the time.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah. And that place of fear can sometimes actually sabotage what the anxious type wants so badly because when you are, launching a barrage of calls and texts or snooping for proof that the relationship is threatened because you feel this insecurity and need reassurance, the partner is I don’t deserve this skepticism, that’s not fair. And they might even withdraw more, which then triggers the anxious type to, even launch more texts and it becomes this pursuer distance or dynamic. So it can really self-sabotage.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. We can come from love or we can come from fear and the anxiously attached person is coming from fear a lot of the time are they gonna leave me? Are they going to abandon me?

How are they feeling about me? Am I still safe? And so you’re right. Like anytime we come from fear, we create the very thing.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah.

Dr. Tari: It’s a tough place to be.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Tari: And then you mentioned, I think swaying into the other type, the third type is the avoidant type. And anxiously attached people tend to find the avoidantly attached people.

So talk about that a little bit.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah. So I’ll give a kind of a rundown of avoidant because then I want to get into like why they gravitate towards each other. Avoidant children’s caregivers were often unavailable or might’ve been insensitive or even hostile. So that child forms a coping strategy of emotional disconnection because it’s not going to hurt them as much if they just disconnect altogether, it’s a protective mechanism.

But what happens is this creates a lack of emotional attunement, or even like a sense of isolation. So when there’s like big emotions happening, they just withdraw. And so for the anxious person, who’s having a big emotion and needing reassurance. That’s overwhelming to the avoidant type and they withdraw and they don’t give what the anxious person really needs.

Dr. Tari: Yeah.

Mary Beth Somich: If you’re avoidantly attached, then intimacy and vulnerability feels a lot scarier for you because it puts you in a vulnerable position because that can, be taken away and you probably identify as extremely independent and struggled to identify and acknowledge like on a feeling. So it can be hard to connect with and identify what you’re feeling and to talk on an emotional level with your partner.

So if you’re dating someone with an avoidant attachment style, you might notice a feeling of emotional disconnection from time to time. Maybe you desire them to act like they care more about you or about the relationship. And to show that in ways and to talk on an emotional level. I tend to see avoidant types, be like workaholics and avoid intimacy with excuses, like long work hours, because that’s like a very independent thing to do and an excuse and a good excuse sometimes.

An avoidant person might take longer to commit in a relationship like dating for years and years, but not ready to make the commitment of marriage, perhaps.

Dr. Tari: And why is that?

Mary Beth Somich: I think, like you said, it’s based in fear rather than love, right? The fear of that emotional connection and the vulnerability that’s going to bring. And then what if I opened myself up to all of that and something goes wrong.

Dr. Tari: Yeah.

Mary Beth Somich: Because there was that instability probably in childhood that wasn’t reliable. So there’s this general outlook of, it’s nice to have this person around, but I don’t need them. I don’t need anyone.

Dr. Tari: To need would be dangerous,

Mary Beth Somich: Exactly. Yeah, so it, they can come off as a little less emotionally invested in the relationship and sometimes that can transfer physically as well. We see avoidant types engage in more casual sex than other types because there is that I’m not like super emotionally invested in them. You don’t have to be.

Dr. Tari: And it’s so interesting because anxious and avoidance usually find each other and they’re opposites. So you were talking about the protective strategy for avoidance is to shut down and detach. And the protective strategy for anxious is to connect, or to attach right. To seek that reassurance.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah, yes. And each affirms the other’s beliefs about love and relationships, whether they’re true or false. So avoidance feel like others are asking for too much intimacy and anxious types feel like they need more intimacy than they’re getting. So it’s almost this subconscious self fulfilling prophecy in a way.

The idea of, I don’t feel loved enough from the anxious person, but then choosing an avoidant partner who isn’t meeting their emotional needs. So of course they don’t feel loved enough and then vice versa.

And then that combination leads to what I mentioned before the infamous pursuer distance or dynamic. So when one partner is pursuing the other and the other finds that overwhelming and distances even more as a result, which then causes the pursuing partner to pursue even harder and the distancing person to distance even more, and then they become further and further disconnected.

Dr. Tari: Yes. Oh my gosh. And I talked so much about unconscious attraction, which is just another way to say that, like we choose partners who reinforce our childhood roles and patterns and this is such a common one and like you said, it just keeps reinforcing our view on love or view on ourself. We’re not lovable. Nobody shows up for us and I have to work so hard and Ugh.

Mary Beth Somich: It can be really tough. Yeah. And yeah, avoidance actually rarely pair up with other avoidance because they lack the emotional glue to stay together because they’re both just so nonchalant about it. So that’s another reason that avoidance and anxious types are more attractive to each other, I think.

And to your point, the phrase we repeat what we don’t repair, if we’re constantly seeking to repair that rupture in childhood in terms of attachment in our partner. And if we really just did our own individual work, we would bring less of that into the relationship dynamic, making it more difficult.

Dr. Tari: Yes. I know, gosh, it always comes back to the self work. And we just never want to do that. We just want to get into a relationship and feel loved and get those needs met. It’s usually doesn’t work that way

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah. Self work and then relationship work, I think both are so go hand in hand. And then just to briefly cover disorganized Research shows that parents who acted as figures of both fear and reassurance for children, tend to develop this style. So you can see how it’s like a mixture of avoidant and anxious because the child feels both comforted and then frightened by the parents.

So it’s kinda confusing. Like the message of come here. Oh no, go away. And just what that can bring. If you have disorganized attachment, you might thrive in chaos or constantly be feeling contradicting feelings like one day you’re happy and grateful that you met this person and that they’re in your life and you feel so good about the relationship and the next day you’re like, I think I need to break up with them because of X, Y, Z. And there’s this, like teeter-totter hot and cold mentality, which if you’re dating someone with disorganized attachment can feel really confusing because you’re like on this rollercoaster with them one minute, they’re super into you.

And the next. Threatening to break up with you so it can feel exhausting.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. So what do we do if we’re dating somebody who’s disorganized and we get that back and forth, what would you recommend?

Mary Beth Somich: First, I would recommend considering your own attachment style, because you want to see how it’s triggering you. And like what your stuff is first, before you start addressing their stuff. You might have to set some boundaries with this person because it is such an emotional roller coaster. And then always, suggesting both individual work and couples work.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. Yeah. I think that’s so important. Do you think people can change their attachment style?
Mary Beth Somich: Huh. I do. I don’t think it happens overnight though.

Dr. Tari: Oh, hell no.

Mary Beth Somich: No. It’s not oh, I decide today to be secure.

Like not a realistic thing. But I think you can make conscious effort to move toward a more secure. Attachment style. And there’s two things that I recommend in order to do this typically.

And the first of course is to seek therapy and do your own work. Try to find a therapist who’s familiar with attachment work, family systems, family dynamics, and the second is to seek relationships. So both friendships and romantic relationships with people who present at least, cause you can’t no one’s wearing a sign on their forehead.

I’m securely attached, but that behaviors that are associated with secure attachment. And so really trying to bring more of those people in your life so that they can model and normalize secure behavior. And then in the same respect, limiting contact with influences or people that can trigger insecure attachment.

So you’re anxious or avoidant or disorganized tendencies.

Dr. Tari: Oh, hell no. Yeah. And that would be people who are inconsistent or don’t respect your boundaries

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah. Or who you feel abandoned by that could be triggering to an anxious or an avoidant person.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. Yeah. I think it’s such an interesting question because some people say you can’t change your attachment style, but personally, I think like everything, like the self-growth, the healing is a. Process. And personally now at this stage of my life, I feel like I’m pretty close to being securely attached, and if you knew 20 years ago, I was like a different person and I sabotage most of my relationships because of that fear of abandonment because of that anxiety, because of that neediness, and that constant need for reassurance, even though I could never get enough.

But even now, like the self-awareness and maybe we’ll catch myself when I’m telling a story or needing reassurance. And I think the differences I can tell what’s mine and what I need to give to myself how I need to support myself versus when I need to bring it into the relationship,

Mary Beth Somich: Absolutely. And I look at it as a spectrum, right? This isn’t like a black and white switch on and off. I’m anxious. Okay. Now I’m secure. It’s there’s a spectrum. And if you are, let’s say you’re anxious and you’re, that’s on one side of the spectrum and secure is on the other. Maybe you’re just slowly inching towards secure as you do this work.
And maybe you’re like 90% there. That’s great. Celebrating that it doesn’t have to be a hundred percent. You’ve done a lot of work to come towards secure.

Dr. Tari: Yeah.

And I think also as you do the work, your attraction towards certain types of partners changes, like I’m not attracted to avoid an attachment people anymore, or emotionally unavailable men. It’s just that just doesn’t do it for me anymore. I like somebody who’s expressive because that’s what makes me feel safe.

And, so it’s just so interesting. How as we change our attraction changes our relationships change.

Mary Beth Somich: There are so many people in relationships right now that we know one’s anxious and one’s avoidant and that’s really coming up in their dynamic and they don’t even have this language to understand or describe it. And so I think just to add to your point, when you start doing this work and you build that insight and awareness, you’re able to actually see things and giving them an explanation just that alone can be really helpful.

Dr. Tari: Yes. Do you think let’s say there are people listening to this who are realizing, oh, I think I’m an anxious in relationship with an avoidant. Can that ever work?

Mary Beth Somich: Definitely. I think it can provide some relief to just even understand these concepts so let’s say the woman is anxious and the man is avoidant.

That’s sometimes more typical, not always, but if we’re generalizing and to say, it’s not that my husband doesn’t care about me at all. It’s that, he’s triggered when I’m constantly pursuing him. He feels like he needs an escape, he needs to hide. And so if I understand that reaction is producing that reaction in him. Then I can work with that and maybe then he can come towards because in that pursuer distance or dynamic, the way to really end that is for the anxious person to let the avoidant come toward a little bit, because then it will ease their anxiety and they can pull back from pursuing.

Because if they just pursue, forget it.

Dr. Tari: You just keep re triggering each other, right? Yeah. Okay. I love that. So can we talk a little bit about, you talked about our attachment figures as children, our moms, our parents. So can you give us some more examples of that? Like how do we learn how to be securely attached?

Tell us more about what that kind of mom looks like, or those parents look like.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah. And I liked your point earlier that our parents probably tried their best and that, you know, in general, parents really love their children and want what’s best for them and do the best they can. So I always acknowledge that. But if you had a parent who struggled with mental illness and it was untreated, then they may not have been able to show up for you in the ways that you needed securely.

So if they were extremely anxious, Then that could rub off on you into some anxious attachment. If they were unavailable, maybe a depressed parent that could create some avoidant attachment because they were unavailable. Your emotional needs were not the priority and maybe we’re not met consistently.

So it’s better just not to have them

Dr. Tari: If we were sad or if we were scared and we came to that parent and they just couldn’t show up for us because of their own depression or preoccupation.

Mary Beth Somich: And then with disorganized, I always think of maybe a bipolar parent who’s back and forth and maybe even a parent who’s on and off medication it’s more erratic. Sometimes they’re really warm, really reliable and really present. And other times they’re hostile or unavailable.

So it’s just really confusing. So that could lead to a disorganized style alcoholism that can lead to disorganized also.

Dr. Tari: Could that also lead to, it could also lead to anxious or avoidant, right? Depending on what the alcoholic looks like or.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah. And sure. And which parent we’re talking about, let’s say that mom’s an alcoholic and dad gets really anxious. Because of that and your primary attachment figure his dad, we’ll switch it up a little bit here. Then you might pick up on his anxious tendencies and become anxious and feel threatened and need reassurance often that it’s going to be okay.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. And how much, so this term, emotional attunement, which really just means are you attuned to your own emotions internally? And are you, or is somebody else attuned to your emotions? So if you think about parents and child, is the parent asking about what’s going on internally for you?

Can they respond to your feelings if you share them or they pick up on what you’re feeling? How much is emotional attunement connected to attachment style?

Mary Beth Somich: Oh, I think pretty.

Dr. Tari: Yeah.

Mary Beth Somich: A lot of people describe emotional attunement as feeling known like that the other person picks up on it when they’re sad, picks up on it when they’re excited. And, or picks up on it when they’re nervous. And I think emotionally attuned. Are often pretty good at that.

They know their kids and they know oh, he’s off today or she’s off today or she’s looking sad, he’s looking frustrated. And they’re able to then approach the child and talk about that, or at least acknowledge those feelings. And when you have an unavailable parent or a parent who’s really caught up in their own stuff and they’re not doing that that can influence the task.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. So interesting. And then again, like we choose partners who replicate that.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah. Yeah. Cause we always seek to, to wrap up that loop into completion right. To prepare that wound. But that’s actually not how we repair that wound.

Dr. Tari: How do we repair it? Just to make the point again?

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah. So I think being gentle with yourself, acknowledging that each of these styles come from a place of past hurt. They’re not your fault. We’ve talked about the experiences you’ve had that have shaped that your primary caregivers. So recognizing that there’s usually an objective to your style, right, and need that is trying to be met. And just get curious about that first, and then you can always start brainstorming and exploring on your own.

For instance, there are quizzes online, and I say that with caution because there are some bad quizzes.

Dr. Tari: Yeah.

Mary Beth Somich: But if you’re just interested, you can always take a quiz online to learn a little bit more about your attachment style, do some research and really spend some time reflecting on the ways that you respond to conflict, what expectations you have for your partner, how you communicate those expectations and your emotions around those expectations, how you feel about being alone, how you manage worries. And do you feel like you are accepting of yourself and accepting of others?

So those are just some questions maybe to journal around and start doing some self exploration work around. Attachment styles aren’t pathological, each has its ups and downs, and there’s nothing wrong with you. But it’s nice to start doing this work, identify what yours is and try to become more and more secure if possible.

Dr. Tari: Yeah, no, I love that. I love that. You said it’s not pathological. There’s nothing wrong with you because I think, especially again, like I identify with the anxious type and I’ve worked a lot with the anxious type. We see a lot of those in therapy,

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah.

Dr. Tari: And I think oftentimes. People who are anxiously attached, feel like there’s something wrong with them.
They’re creating the problems in the relationship. And it’s just about, I think anybody that you choose to be with has to make room for who you are. You have to own, I get anxious. I need a lot of reassurance. I’m working on it. But if you’re with somebody who’s making you feel like that’s a problem, that’s probably not the right person.

You have to choose someone who’s going to work with you because everybody’s bringing in their own crap right into the relationship.

Mary Beth Somich: Absolutely. I love that. You mentioned that you see anxious types more in therapy, of course. Because they’re the pursuers they’re like, okay, let me fix this. Whereas an avoidant type is ah, nothing’s wrong because I don’t really have emotions.

That makes sense that they’re chomping up the bit to go and talk about their emotions and to sort that stuff out. So you will often see more anxiously attached people in therapy. So if you’re an avoidant, I challenge you to, start that work and just see what comes up for you. Because as humans, we all have emotions.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. For sure. And I think for the anxiously attached, it’s really hard. Like you said, to create that space, to receive. I always say sit on your hands, bite your tongue, stop the pursuing, just create some space for the other person to do some of the work. It’s really hard, I think for anxiously attached people to do that, but they can!

Mary Beth Somich: They can, and for anxiously attached, I always really recommend that idea of getting curious, because they will tell themselves the worst case scenario and almost make themselves believe it and then act upon it. And so just slowing down and just getting curious

Dr. Tari: Yes. And maybe telling yourself, because you’re right. It’s like the anxiously attached, we always assume, that things aren’t going to work out, that we’re going to be abandoned. That the other person doesn’t like us as much as we like them. And then we act on that and we play it out and we create it.

Mary Beth Somich: Exactly.

Dr. Tari: So like you said, be curious, like maybe the story I’m telling isn’t necessarily true and look for evidence of something.
Mary Beth Somich: Yes. Yeah, that’s perfect. I love that phrasing. Take a page from Bernay Brown’s book the story I’m telling myself.

Dr. Tari: Yeah. Love Bernay.

Mary Beth Somich: Yes.

Dr. Tari: I’ve loved this conversation. I feel like it’s been a very succinct way of talking about attachment. I think it’s going to help a lot of people. Is there any last thing you’d like to leave with the audience about attachment style?

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah, I think that just with a little self compassion and some patience and some courage, you can really move toward more of a secure base, heal some of those attachment ruptures and really be on your way to health, your relationships and peace of mind.

Dr. Tari: Yeah, and I agree. I’m a walking example of that, so it’s definitely possible.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah, there you go.

Dr. Tari: Thank you so much, Mary Beth. Where can people find you? They want to work with you, or if they’re a therapist wanting to increase their practice, take it online.

Mary Beth Somich: Yeah, absolutely. So my Instagram account is @your journeythrough which is the name of my private practice. So you can always DM me there. You can also email me at marybeth@yourjourneythrough.com, and to learn more about the course, you can go to InstaGrowth for Therapists.com. Read all about it and join the wait list if you feel inclined.

Dr. Tari: Awesome. Thank you so much for being here. I’ve loved this conversation.

Mary Beth Somich: Thank you so much for having me.

Dr. Tari: Thanks for tuning into Dear Dater. This is Dr. Tari reminding you that if you want love, that’s meant for you.